▶ Your Answer :
I agree that resources are scarce so it
is important to preserve. However, the ways to protect the resources should be
done by the importance of resources than the restricting the people's shopping
habit by the government legislation.
(Need better transition)
I agree that all natural resources are
scarce, so we should conserve the resources. <(repetitive) Not all resources are renewable, and petrol and oil types of resources
are facing the extinction. According to the USA, the statistics claim that the
gases will last for 20 years, and that will be the same for other resources.
The speed for the resource extinction is disappearing at a fast rate, because
people are not understanding the value of resources and not knowing the
consequences without having the resources. If the resources are extinct, people
will live from non-existed resourcing world like people from the ice age, where there is no who
not have a gas and the electricity. Since we are having the resources for a
long time, we so cannot expect to live without having the resources. Therefore, we
should preserve the resources before it is too late. <(off topic. 질문은 preserving에 대해서가 아니라 정부가 사람들이 자주 up to date products를 계속 사는 것을 막아야하는지 또는 평생 또는 아주 오래동안 쓸수 있도록 물건을 만들어야되는지대해서 입니다.)
(Need better transition)
I disagree with the idea of products are
made lasting forever, because of three reasons. Firstly, it is impossible to
make a product that is forever lasting. All the products are facing the wear
and tear, whether those have been used or not. Second, if the products are
lasting long, people would not purchase anything except for the disappearing
items such as groceries. Within a family or friends, any items would be shared
and the company related to those products will be going out of business. If
no one is buying consumerism goods, all the consumerism industries will be
difficult to survive. Therefore, the government should have to spend a subsidy
to those industries to maintain the business from bankruptcy. Since it would be
impossible to make the products to be lasting forever, the government should
seek alternative methods to preserve the resources.
In conclusion, resources are getting
closer to the extinction every year due to the rapidity incremental of the
usage. Therefore, I believe that the conservation of resources is more
important than people's consuming habit.
Score: 5 Comment: 질문을 fully satisfy 해주시지는 않았습니다. "it is important that products are made to last."에 대해서 답을 해주셨지만 "Government should discourage people from constantly buying more up to date or fashionable products."에 대해서는 답을 해주지 않았습니다. 오히려 preserving에 대해서 서술을 해주셨습니다. 문법상 spelling과 the 사용에 주로 틀리시고 계십니다. 또한 에세이의 transition이 좋지 않으면 모든 문단을 같은 표현/format으로 써주셨습니다. Transition device에 조금 더 신경을 써주시고 더 다양한 표현을 써주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. 그 외에는 내용/글정리를 조금 더 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |