Many companies and some organisations require their employees to wear uniform.
Which jobs is wearing of uniform good for?
What are the disadvantages of wearing uniform to work?
Nowadays, employees are
required to wear a uniform in some organizations and corporations. It is
necessary for certain types of works to put on the same clothes because it is
beneficial for working. However, wearing a uniform has several drawbacks to
work. I will write this essay about which kinds of works need to wear a uniform,
and the downsides of it.
Firstly, there are some jobs
requiring workers to wear the same clothes because a uniform imposes a
responsibility to employees. Therefore, it is compulsory for specific workers
to put on the same clothes. For example, police officers or soldiers have to
wear a uniform because they perform special roles for the public. When they put
on a uniform, it looks they look different from ordinary people, so they feel a sense of
responsibility for their job. As a result, a uniform can provide certain workers
with crucial duty for society, so it is necessary for them. (이 문단은 현재 크게 두 개의 내용을 담고 있습니다. 1번은 어떠한 직업이 유니폼을 필요로 하는가이고, 2번이 유니폼의 장점이죠. 그런데, 논제에서 요구한 것은 1번임에 비해 현 문단은 너무 2번에 집중되어있습니다. 일반적인 사항보다는 조금 더 구체적인 사항으로 들어가주세요~)
On the other hand, wearing a
uniform had several drawbacks, so certain companies do not require employees to
put on the same clothes. For instance, it is well known that most IT corporations
have not a rule to wear certain outfits, instead, they let workers put on
costume freely. Because IT companies want workers to be more creative, so as
much as possible they allow employees to choose what they want to wear.
Therefore, requiring to wear the same clothes can prohibit people’s ingenuity
or personality, so it has negative effects on the development of creativity.
In conclusion, I believe that
people who work in some companies and organizations should wear a uniform in
order to boost a sense of responsibility. (실제 어떤 직업이 그걸 필요로 하는지가 요약되어야 합니다. 그걸 논제에서 묻고 있기 때문이죠.) However, wearing the same outfits has
a disadvantage that can affect improvement of creativity negatively.
총평: (6/7/7/7) 7.0
다행히도 다른 부분이 깔끔해서 점수에 큰 타격은 없었으나, 현재 본론1과 결론은 논제 반영이 그렇게 깔끔하게 된 상황이 아닙니다. 그 이유는 위에서 말씀드렸으므로 참고해주시면 되겠고, 실제 어떠한 직업이 유니폼을 요구로하는지에 대해 구체화할 수 있도록 두 부분을 수정해주세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)