Nowadays, it's usual for people to own consumer goods, such as refrigerators and washing machines.
Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
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Electronics have become very essential to modern life. Also, electronics help many people in many ways. Despite its advantages, however, electronics are not without their drawbacks.
On the one hand, it cannot be denied that electronics give amazing convenience. Electronics These gadgets or appliances make our lives easier by reducing the number of steps in our daily lives. For example, an oven allows the use of firepower just by pressing a button. Electronics also provide more options for our daily lives. For instance, refrigerators can store food for several days, so we can store a variety of food, so we can store a variety of food (여긴 단순 오타이겠죠...? 일단 채점할 때에는 없다고 가정하고 매기겠습니다.). Therefore, because of electronics, our daily lives can many things can be achieved easily in our daily lives do many things and get more free time.
On the other hand, the increase in consumer goods and electronics available to people these days has disadvantages together. First, electronics are expensive. Not only does it cost you money to buy electronics, but it also costs you (2인칭은 기본적으로 구어에 속하기 때문에 쓰지 않는 게 맞긴 한데...6.0 선에서는 아무런 지장이 없으므로 그냥 참고 정도만 해주세요~) money to use them and to maintain them. There could also be a widening gap between the rich and the poor with the prices of these electronics products. On the other hand Furthermore, electronics have a big impact on the environment and this is one of the main drawbacks. According to a study by the Korea Electric Power Corp., the 1 kWh of electricity we use releases hundreds of grams of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere. This causes very serious large air pollution.
In conclusion, the benefits of electronics in our lives cannot be denied. However, if people care about the environment, the negative effects of electronics should not be overlooked.
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소요시간 40분 걸렸습니다.
항상 청삼 감사합니다!
총평: (6/7/7/6) 6.5
서/결론에서 단순 요약/템플릿 적용보다는 '단점이 장점을 상쇄한다' 라는 입장을 더 명확히 밝혀주시면 좋긴 하지만....이 역시 6.0을 넘기는데에는 아무런 지장이 없는 사항이라 그냥 알아만 두시면 됩니다. 그 외에는 위의 Furthermore 정도가 100% 무조건 수정되어야 할 사항으로 보시면 될 것 같고요. 수고하셨습니다 :)