Q: It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help to them this distinction. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?
A: It is often argued that punishment is crucial for children to learn about right and wrong or moral and immoral period at an young age. and And punishment is the key point to help learn about distinction. I agree with former this argument and this essay will discuss why I support this argument.
Firstly, little punishment can help kids to notice quickly what is good or wrong. for For instance, many of young children have lack of the judgment and knowledge. In in addition, this phenomenon can cause a lot of criminal because of lack of judgment and knowledge. According to Seoul National University, argued that the child can easily take a criminal compared with adult and they answered the reason. the reason is lack of the judgment and knowledge. also they argued little bot punishment, which is scold gently can help to the judge quickly what is moral behavior or immoral behavior. (이전 글들과 마찬가지로 초록 문장들은 댓글 주시면 되겠습니다. +얼마 전에 달아주신 댓글은 제가 이따 새벽쯤에 확인하고 답변 드리겠습니다!)
Secondly, punishment can prevent to dangerous criminals. It it is important to recognize about what is good and wrong before growing up to the adult. This is because pupils can fix their behavior more easily compared to adults Because pupils can fixed their behavior easily compared with adult. but adult isn’t changed their behavior and it’s too late to change it in In mu case I used to lie lied to people, which when I was little. However, after punishment my parents I didn’t do it again and now I’m a most trust people the most trusted person in my company.
To sum up, punishment can help to notice quickly good and wrong behavior and it can prevent to serious criminals when the children grown up to the adult.
총평: 일단 제가 엔터키를 싹 수정해드렸습니다. 앞으로는 이러한 4문단 구조를 유지해주시고, 현재 올라온 다른 글들도 첨삭되기 이전에 한번 직접 바꿔놓아보세요!
또한 지금 논제가 묻고 있는 것은 두 개가 있으므로, 이에 대한 답변을 각각 하나씩의 문단에 배분해주시면 됩니다. 고로 본론1에는 동의/비동의 여부를, 본론2에는 실제 어떠한 체벌이 허용되는지를 적어주시면 돼요.
+윗 초록 문장에 댓글 주실 때, 다음의 정보도 같이 알려주시면 감사하겠습니다! 만약에 지금 학원을 다니신다면 그냥 학원 선생님께서 시키는대로만 쭉~~따라가주시면 되겠지만, 독학 하신다면 제가 방향을 잡아드려야 해서요.
1. 목표 점수 (최소한으로 잡았을 때)
2. 다음 시험 일자+아무리 늦어도 점수를 만들어야 하는 일자
3. 현재 라이팅 공부에+IELTS 공부에 각각 얼마 정도를 투자할 수 있는지
수고하셨습니다 :)