question >
Some people claim that not enough of the waste from homes is recycled. They say that the only way to increase recycling is for governments to make it a legal requirement.
To what extent do you think laws are needed to make people recycle more of their waste?
answer >
These days, many people do not recycle thoroughly. It is commonly said that the government should impose strict policies to promote recycling better. I strongly agree with the statement because strong rules are essential to regulate the large number of people at the same time, and the most effective way to change people's behaviors is to supervise them through strict regulations.
To begin with, strict laws are an important key to change citizens' action. When it comes to making people's habits change, it is less effective to educate people to change. ('왜' 그런지에 대해 설명할 수 있어야 합니다.) However, they can change their behaviors through mandatory rules and supervision. In a recent survey, in South Korea, the children car accident rates has been decreased after enforcing strong speed regulations in school zones and kids zones. This shows people likely to change their awareness by imposing strict rules.
On top of that, it reveals most effectively when regulating citizens by penalties and strong rules. There are some effective ways to change people's action such as penalities. For example, the amount of recycling household will be increased, once the government make the rules according to recycling and give citizens penalties if they violate. This is very effective because people tend to motivate more on avoiding disadvantages rather than having incentives. (이런 내용이 근거에 해당되는데, 본론 첫 번째 문단의 경우도 이런 내용이 들어갈 수 있어야 합니다.)
To sum up, regulation is essential to change a large number of people and the best way to change citizens' behavior is imposing penalities and strict rules. For these reasons, I firmly believe that the strict laws are needed to make people recycle more of their waste in their household.
총평: (6/7/7/7) 7.0
어휘+문법이 깔끔해서 어느정도 점수는 벌어갔지만, 내용상 근거 부여가 잘 된 편은 아니기 때문에 이에 대한 보완이 필요합니다. 파란색 내용과 같이 실제 '왜?' 를 설명할 수 있는 문장은 많이 넣어주시고, 이는 특히 본론 첫 번째 문단에 적용해주세요! 해당 문단은 현재 근거가 전혀 없는 상황입니다. ('설문에서 그랬대~' 는 근거가 되지 않습니다.)
수고하셨습니다 :)