In some countries, some working students think that the amount of academic homework being assigned should be reduced to allow them to have enough time for work, studies and rest.
Do you agree or disagree?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Homework is one of the least fun things for students, and having to do homework is a big problem for most of them students. Many experts disagree, however, I agree that the amount of homework allocated to students should certainly be reduced.
On the one hand, it cannot be denied that homework helps students better understand their subjects. Homework motivates students to study actively to enhance their own understanding of concepts. Of course, doing homework helps students prepare for the exam. Also, homework allows teachers to grasp the progress of students' learning. In addition, homework gives a good lesson about responsibility and diligence. (이 문단은 일단 숙제를 줄여야한다~는 또다른 내용으로 채워주시면 됩니다. 또한 지금 문장의 구조가죄다 똑같은 상황이므로 이 역시 대체가 필요하겠고요. 내용 관련해서는 밑에 드리는 링크를 참고해주세요!)
However, despite the above advantages, I believe the amount of homework allocated to students should be reduced. It is true that homework takes away students' free time, and the benefits can be particularly serious for students. It may be possible to balance study and work, but it is certainly difficult. Ordinary students need a break from time to time. However, in higher grades, homework can be particularly daunting because there is increased pressure due to the rise in workload it has increased pressure to do homework. While I do not deny that doing homework has an advantage, homework is only good when you do it in moderation.
In conclusion, it is not wrong or bad to let students do their homework. However, if students, especially those who work, are overwhelmed with homework, it can be unbeneficial and even harmful. Thus it can be said that the amount of~~~ should be reduced.
소요시간 : 45분
항상 첨삭 감사합니다!
총평: 서/결론에서 명시하신 주장은 '숙제를 줄여야 한다' 입니다. 그리고 발문에서 do you agree or disagree라는 표현을 통해 Robin님만의 의견을 물었으므로, 글 내내 그 내용으로만 채워주시면 돼요. 고로 본론1은 수정해주시면 되겠습니다. 자세한 사항은 밑의 링크를 첨부해주세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)
https://www.gohackers.com/?c=ielts/ielts_info2/ielts_method&p=3&type=url&uid=471212