Some people think that in order to produce a happy society, it is necessary to ensure that there is only a small difference between the earnings of the richest and poorest. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
After the industrial revolution (고유명사입니다.), every living people on this planet have to follow the rule of capitalizm regardless of their will no matter of their willingness. To maintain a certain level of daily life and minimum fulfillment of living, the most essential factor is money (절대로 저렇게 복잡하게 쓰려고 하지 마시고, 그냥 이렇게 간단하고 쓰고 넘기세요. 저렇게 쓰면 틀리고, 설령 맞는다고 해도 큰 이득은 없습니다.) have to be one thing; money. A number of people including psychologists and economists insist that providing a manageable amount of money to each and every citizen by pursuing financial equality between the richest and poorest is the key for a happy society, which is unquestionably makes sense to me.
First reason: The first reason for my belief is that (이 표현은 그냥 외워버리시면 됩니다.) reducing the huge hap of incomes of the richest and poorest would become an essential factor of building psychological stability of the public. According to the study which had been initiated in Kent university by a collaboration of neurosciences and psychologists, it is discovered that the brain map of participants who feel they live in a economically well divided society show more evidences of joy and relax from their functional-MRI scan. If the difference between the incomes of the richest and poorest is at a minimum little, then people in that group will feel less inferior about themselves which happens to be a powerful fundamental of society full of happiness.
Second reason Another thing to consider is that the reduction of difference of financial sources between the richest and poorest will naturally make the poor could have more financial ability then before by redistribution of wealth. Hence, they would feel less pressure to make a money to get through their day and will be a cheerful member of the joyful society. For instance, when COVID-19 caused a pandemic situation, the government provided various financial advises in South Korea. Some people were worried because they thought it was a waste of taxes, however, it turned out that giving spare money to the poorest 30 percent has been spark of successful public mind care because they do not have to worried about managing their basic life factors such as food for living.
To conclude, I think that it is necessarily important to make sure that the difference of financial status of the richest and poorest and it is the only method to contributee building a happy society.
아침부터 혼자 모고 보는 거 처럼 한시간 두고 task 1 2 모두 써봤는데 시험 보러 가면 말 길게 하는 습관이 더 심해지지 않을까 걱정입니다..
시험은 10월 31일에 보려고 하고 있고, 말씀하신대로 마지막 점수는 9/9/6/5.5 였어요. 리딩 리스닝은 7.5 밑으로는 안 떨어지고 최근에는 8~9대였고, 라이팅이 6~6.5, 스피킹은 상태 따라 5.5~7.0으로 폭이 넓은 편입니다 -> 그런 것 같았습니다. jene님의 경우 절대 영어 실력이 낮은 건 아닌데, 어휘에 비해 문법이 꽤 약할 뿐이에요. 스피킹이야 제가 들어보지 못해서 말씀드리지는 못하겠지만요.
항상 꼼꼼히 봐 주셔서 감사드립니다. 좋은 주말 되세요.
총평: (7/7/7/6) 7.0
현재 글보다 힘을 더 빼셔야 합니다. 절대 문법+어휘+내용 욕심 내지 마시고, 그냥 짧게, 간결하게, 덜 틀리게(덜 틀리게와 많이 맞추는 건 전혀 다릅니다.) 쓰세요! 300자, 아무리 길어도 310자로만 줄이시면 됩니다. 특히 서론은 확 줄이셔야 합니다. 서론에서 시간낭비하지 마세요! 그리고 문장이 길어지는 것 역시 좋지 못합니다. 짧게 끊어주세요!
위의 사항들을 100%는 아니더라도, 70% 이상은 반영할 수 있어야 나의 글, 그리고 점수가 이전과 비교해서 달라질 수 있습니다.
10월 31일 시험이시면 얼마 안 남은 상황이기 때문에 지금부터 실전 대비에 들어가야 할 것 같습니다. 단, 이 경우에도 문법 공부는 병행해주셔야 하고요. 사실 실전 대비보다 문법 공부의 비중이 더 커야합니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)