Today, parents are not close to their children compared to the past. What do you think the reasons are?
Suggest some solutions that they can be closer.
In modern society, the relationship between
parents and their children is not as close as they used to be. In this essay, I
will discuss some of the reasons and suggest some of the solutions for this phenomenon.
As developing With the development of IT industrialization, children
have been exposed to various media, so they exposed rapidly various media such as surf the internet and social network
service so children spend a lot of time using cellphone. They are more likely
to less bond with their parents. In addition, a lot of children have pressure to
being high achiever nowadays. Therefore, they need to go to the academy academic after
school due to get high scores in subjects like English and mathematics that the society
wants them to.
However, there are some of the keys to being
close between parents and children. First of all, parents need to have interest
in what their children like to do children’s interest. It would be helpful to have a conversation and
understand each other. Therefore, they are more likely to feel a strong tie.
Furthermore, when they have time on the weekend, they need to make an effort to
spend time together away from daily life. Parents play a prominent role in
children’s development so if they go to camping or hiking which they can stick
together, the children will feel affection from parents. I believe that spending
time with parents would have an effect on their child’s development.
We get into problems which not close
between parent and child by living busy modern society These days, children and their parents are not close enough due to the busy society. There is no doubt that
parents and children would be closer if they consider their kids.
항상 브레인스토밍하는 부분에서 많은 시간을 할애하는것 같아요,,, 아이디어를 확장해야 쓸 말이 생길텐데 걱정이네요ㅠㅠ
우리말로 먼저 글을 써보고 영어로 바꿔써보는게 나을까요? 아니면 브레인스토밍할때 짧게 영단어로 쓰고 영어로 적어야할까요..
-> 후자입니다. 밑에서 조금 더 말씀드릴게요.
이번에는 어떻게 해서든 써보자라는 마음으로 써보았는데 글도 매끄럽지도 않고 갈 길이 먼 것만 같네요 ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ
총평: (7/6/6/5) 6.0
글의 '내용' 과 관련해서는 정말 양 극단에 있는 학생들을 제외하면 다 거기서 거기입니다. 고로 '내용' 을 어떻게 갖추느냐에 크게 신경쓰실 필요 없어요. 어차피 일부러 이상하게 쓰려고 하시지는 않을테니까요. 7.5점 이상에서나 내용이 본격적으로 중요해집니다.
대~~~략의 구색만 갖추고, 문법이 심각하지만 않으면 6.0은 충분히 받고도 남으니까 내용에 과하게 집착하지 않으셔도 됩니다. 또한 아이디어가 생각나지 않으면, 모범답안을 보시고 그걸 정리해놓으시면 돼요. 그대로 따라쓸 수는 없겠고, 그래서도 안 되지만, 대략의 큰 틀은 잡는데 도움이 될 겁니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)