안녕하세요!
지난번에 작품 description 첨삭 올렸었는데 너무 꼼꼼히 해주셔서!!! 한개 더 올려봅니다..
감사합니다!!!
A (여기는 일단 A는 확실히 아니고, The 아니면 This 등이 와야하는데, 제가 이 글의 구체적인 문맥을 몰라서 여기까지는 말씀드리기 어렵네요ㅠㅠ) market is located in Yeonhui-dong in Seoul. This market has been a traditional market since 60 years ago. As Yeonhui-dong it is a town with a deep tradition along with the market, it is a place where various age groups and races live.
The overall atmosphere of the current mart is dark and stuffy. In addition, the unique personality of the mart is lacking, and the products are not organized and stacked randomly. The market of these images will be modernized.
First, bright atmosphere through skylights in community place and market. (여기는 비문인데, 이거 역시 글 전반적인 상황이나 문맥을 제가 몰라서 고쳐드리기가 어렵네요ㅠㅠ대략의 설명을 댓글 등으로 주시면 확인하고 봐드리겠습니다. 일단 bright atmostphere를 만들 것이다~~등으로 바꿔주시는 게 제일 유력하긴 합니다.) Then, in order to keep the existing tradition of the old market, using a material called the basin will be used in the traditional Korean market. The characteristics of each produce are transformed through elements such as the overlapping shape of the basin, the lid, and the cut section. Last but not least, the grass-fed beef produce, the big identity of the mart, has been (여기도 will be로 가야하는 거 아닌가요? 전반적으로 시제 쪽에 혼돈이 있는 상황인데, 제가 현 글의 정확한 주변 문맥을 몰라서 확답을 드리기 어렵네요ㅠㅠ) improved with more professionalism.
Currently, this building is mixed-use as a cafe, general store, clothing store, market. However, as time passed, local commercial districts have emerged, so the remodeling is planned to focus more on the function of the existing market.
On the first floor, the community place that appears when people enter the entrance includes a space where people can freely use books and sofas. Behind it is a seed library and a gardening class space.
In the community space, the basin was stacked and the overlapped images were seen to make book shelves. The ceiling expresses the appearance of the basin when it is cut into layers, so that light enters through it.
The gardening class space overall gave a traditional pattern to yellow (여기도 댓글 한번 주세요!), and was divided into a space for gardening and a space for experiencing soil. The furniture for planting the grass was made with a basin cut in half, and the space for growing plants in the center was also made using a sliced basin used for the ceiling.
Each produce uses a different color, material, and traditional pattern for the pillar, making it easier to find the produce from a distance. Moreover, by repeatedly using the round signboards that are often used in the traditional market, people can enjoy a fun visit have fun to visit. A long stretched image of the existing market was taken and a gable-shaped skylight is given to light.
In the case of bio produce, it reveals the characteristics of the space by using pea-green tiles and opaque glass. Also, focusing on the image of hanging items in the market, hanging a basin is created, and a stand is made by regularly attached to the back.
Products that were difficult to identify in global produce are organized by creating a shelf in the form of stacking multiple basins. There is a small staircase between the shelves to divide the types of products, and through the space, it helps people to pick up products or take a break.
Drink produce, which can be seen in the global snack produce image, has blue leather with a round pattern on the pillar, making it easier to find the products.
The second floor is a space selling organic grass-fed organic beef, the market's flagship product. This space is divided into a space for beef produce, a space one for beef cutting produce, and a beef restaurant. These spaces use a dark walnut wood and bricks all over the place. In addition, the pillars are designed from the image of the overlapping lids of the basin.
In the grass-fed organic beef produce, the basin is turned over and the scale is changed to create a shelf.
As for the beef restaurant, a table and a chair are made in the same way as the basin is disassembled, and a hood is made on the top by reducing the size. This space uses red tiles to improve readability.
The work desk in the meat cutting space is used in a shape of a cutout of the basin, and the ceiling lighting gives a rough feeling through the large logs and overlapping lines.
총평: 이전과 마찬가지로 전체적으로는 잘 써주시긴 했는데, 세부 쪽에서 수정이 필요한 사항들이 보입니다. 그런데 이는 제가 이 글이 쓰이는 상황과 문맥 등을 몰라서 봐드리기가 어려웠네요ㅠㅠ댓글로 이에 대해 간단히 알려주시고, 제가 체크해놓은 문장들의 의미를 덧붙여주시면 확인하고 추가적으로 봐드리겠습니다.