안녕하세요, 선생님 !
주말 잘 보내셨나요?? 일교차가 심해졌는데 건강 유의하세요 !
이번에도 첨삭 잘 부탁드립니다 감사합니다 !!!! :))
아래 내용은 뒤늦게 양식을 발견해서 적었습니다.
1. 라이팅에서의 목표 점수
: 6.5 ~
2. 다음 시험 날짜, 그리고 위의 점수를 아무리 늦어도 언제까지는 만들어야 하는지
: 10월 말 응시 목표.
3. 현재 글을 쓰는데에 몇 분이 걸렸는지+단어 수+외부 도움(모범답안 필사) 등이 있었는지의 여부
: 보통 35분을 잡고 브레인스토밍+글쓰기 까지 완료하려고 노력합니다.
하지만, 이번 주제와 같이 바로 아이디어가 떠오르지 않는 경우에는, 멘붕 상태가 되는바람에 시간재는게 무의미 해졌습니다.
대신 최대한 논리에 맞게 써보려고 했습니다. (주제에 따라 체감 난이도 차이가 큰 것 같습니다.)
4. 그 외 제가 알아두면 도움될만한 기타 정보나 현재 학생 여러분들의 공부 상황 등
: 아이엘츠 시험을 많이 응시했으나.. 유독 라이팅점수만 계속 5.5에 머물고있습니다. (첨삭 일체 받아보지않음)
그래서 이클립스 선생님을 통해서 문제점을 파악하고 고쳐보려고 노력중입니다.
점수 목표는 overall 7.0 each 6.5 입니다.
11 Advertising discourages people from being different individuals by making us all want to do the same and look the same. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
;광고는 개인이 특별해지는것을 막는다.( 같은 것을 하고싶게 하고 비슷하게 보이게 한다.) 동의/반대?
Intro- diverse opinions. but, 찬성 (광고에 의한 대중들의 일반화, 광고의 악영향, adverse, detrimental effect)
Body1- lose person’s individuality(Identity)
Boby2- 광고는 물질만능사회를 조장한다. (materialism, materialistic world)
These days, there is disagreement concerning the issue of whether advertising encourages people to do the same and look the same. I personally agree with this opinion, because advertising can lead to loss of person’s individuality and promote to buy products which people do not need.
To begin with, advertisements can bring about loss of person’s individuality. There are countless advertisements which show products to the public, and people watching these advertisements want to buy its products. This phenomenon has contributed to similar appearance of our lives, because most people believe that using products of advertisements makes them to be special. For this reason, people today can easily lose their individuality. Fashion industry, for instance, has used this principle which appeals to the public to sell new clothes every season. As a result, we can easily see numerous people who wear similar clothes which are popular at that season.
Moreover, advertising can cause the materialistic world. The main reason of advertising is to promote customers to buy their products continuously. This social trend can lead to severe repercussions related to excessive materialism. For example, there are a number of gadgets such as smartphones. Most smartphones can be used over the years, but companies advertise new products every quarter as comparing previous ones and promoting buying new ones. As a result, the period to change to a new phone for customers in Korea continues to shorten, even if their phones are still fine.
Overall, there are some people in agreement that advertisements can lead to adverse effects such as discouraging people from being different individuals. I personally agree with this opinion, because it can bring about loss of person’s individuality and encouraging materialistic world.