People are spending more on travel than in the past.
Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
As the transportation has developed well, a number of people have become encouraged to spend more time and money on travel compared to the past. Some people have criticized that this phenomenon leads people to do not save money for their real lives. However, there is a more persuasive argument that traveling is beneficial for people to get useful experiences and become refreshed throughout their real life.
To begin with, most people have stated that traveling allows them to gain various experiences which are long-term advantages in their lives. This because they are able to meet people who have different culture backgrounds and learn various varied cultures from them. To be specific, people can experience extremely different cultures and customs by going abroad. They sometimes find it hard to adopt to unfamiliar cultures, but they can learn how to deal with situations when they come across new cultures in the future. Thus, it is clear that people are able to develop their life skills by experiencing new cultures.
On top of that, they (문단에 처음 등장하는 대상이 대명사로 쓰여서는 안 됩니다.) can be refreshed and motivated to work because visiting other cities or countries helps makes people to escape from their hectic schedules. When people are tired of daily routines, their productivities and efficiencies have decreased tend to decrease. After leaving every task behind, they can take a rest and relive stress in holiday destinations. It is apparent that people are able to gain energy to work and study hard after having vacations. Thus, it is important for people to have periodic trips to increase efficiency in their life.
In conclusion, although people have to spend money and time while traveling, it could be an investment to gain useful experiences and increase productivities in their daily life. Thus, it is clear that the advantages of traveling outweigh the disadvantages.
총평: (7/7/7/7) 7.0
깔끔합니다. 이정도 자잘한 오류는 그냥 애교로 넘어가도 되고, 전반적으로 잘 적어주셨어요. 문단에 처음 나오는 친구는 그게 뭔지 꼭 밝혀주세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)