The pie charts illustrate the average rate of different nutrients, sodium, saturated fats and added sugar that are unhealthy to eat too much are used in common meals in the United States.
Overall, it is clear that the United States people consume over 14 per cent of the three nutrients for each meal. (sodium과 saturated fat은 저녁 시간에, sugar는 간식에 제일 많이 섭취된다고 적어주시면 됩니다.)
The first chart shows the average percentage of sodium. Sodium is taken the most during dinner, dinner contains the most sodium, at 43 per cent, and snacks, breakfast take in the same amount of sodium, 14 per cent. The second chart displays the percentage of saturated fat, and dinner contains the highest percentage as 37 per cent. Meanwhile, lunch includes saturated fat 26 per cent, it is almost a similar percentage to sodium and snacks contain 21 per cent of saturated fat. The last chart illustrates the percentage of added sugar, snacks place in the most noticeable percentaged compare to other meals (42 per cent). Breakfast contains 16 per cent of added sugar, which is the equal to the percentage of saturated fat. However, dinner contains a relatively lower percentage of added sugar than sodium and saturated fat.
목표점수: 6.0
총평: (6/6/6/6) 6.0
사실 문장구조나 어휘 등이 제한적이긴 합니다. 단, 7점 이상의 기준에서요. 어차피 6.0은 충분히 받는 글이기 때문에, 굳이 여기서 더 욕심내실 필요는 없습니다. 다양한 표현과 문장에 욕심내다가 틀리는 것보다는 그냥 안 쓰고 안 틀리는 게 훨씬 나아요.
수고하셨습니다 :)