Some people think young people are not suitable for important positions
in the government,while other people
think it is a good idea for young people to take on these positions. Discuss
both views and give your own opinion.
These days, people
can see young generations on TV as important positions in the government. In Europe
and North America, young people become prime ministers or presidents. There is
a disagreement on whether it is suitable or not, and personally however, I firmly believe that
young people should take on these positions.
First of all, some
people believe that young people don’t (줄임말은 풀어써주세요!) have various experiences compared to than old
people. We can see lots of politicians on the TV because they are positioned as
important representer and we can assume their age, mostly, fifty or sixty in many
countries. This is because they have been working from the bottom and they have
experienced various historical matters. They can handle issues because they had
been gone through with their know-how. However, young people have not
experienced diverse things yet.
However, if younger people take on these positions, it they could come up with innovative ideas. They could
lead the agenda in positive ways unpredictably. For example, in Korea, some
firefighter who is 28 years old became the national assembly through his
speech. Korea’s firefighter was Firefighters in Korea were not national employees and had low salaries, (그의 연설 덕분에~라고 적어주시는 게 좋습니다.) but
they are now and get wage more than before. (저는 한국인이니까, 이게 소방공무원의 지방직->국가직 전환을 의미함을 알 수 있습니다. 그러나 현실적으로 원어민 채점관이 이걸 보면 뭔소리인가 싶을 거에요. 이처럼, 한국의 특정 용어 등이 해당되는 사항은 가급적이면 피하는 걸 추천드립니다.) Young generation might catch
important factors that old people miss. It can be adventurous and dangerous,
but sometimes it is worth to try and think.
In conclusion,
younger might not have various experiences and wisdoms, but they could observe
from the insight of the young people. Also, just because older people occupy important
positions, it doesn't mean they are doing well. I think they should take on these
positions.
260자
목표 : 6~6.5
감사합니다:)
총평: (6/6/7/6) 6.5
확실히 April님은 문법 실력이 많이 늘었네요. 매우 긍정적이며, 대신 앞으로도 꾸준히 이렇게 공부는 해주셔야 합니다. 줄임말은 풀어써주셔야 하는데, 바로 밑의 학생도 똑같은 문제가 있었으므로 밑에서 적어드린 내용을 복사해드리겠습니다.
줄임말을 풀어쓰는 것은 면접을 앞두고 머리와 옷을 정돈하는 것과 비슷하다고 보시면 됩니다. 면접에서 정말 청산유수와 같이 술술 대답한 지원자가 옷과 머리가 지저분하다고 점수가 확 깎이지는 않지만, 이는 분명히 지원자에 대한 인상에 영향을 주죠.
줄임말 역시 마찬가지입니다. 7점 받을 글이 줄임말 쓰였다고 6.5로 떨어지지는 않습니다. 그러나 분명 글에 대한 인상에 영향을 주니까 꼭 풀어써주세요!
전국의 모든 취준생들에게 '면접 전에 옷과 머리를 정도하고 가실 건가요?' 라고 물어보면 대답은 뻔할 겁니다. 줄임말의 경우도 같게 보시면 돼요.
수고하셨습니다 :)