Some say that children are given too much free time. They argue that this time should be used to do more schoolwork. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Some people insist that children do not have a lot of free time and they should spend time on studying in schools. Studying in schools is a good way to spend children's time but I believe there are better ways there are the best things rather than work.
Children are active in many sides therefore they should do many activities to release their energy. Their curiosities are increasing while they grow up and spending free time will help to solve them. These activities can improve their own skills such as communication, creativityand (여기 띄어쓰기 문제는 없다고 가정하고 채점하겠습니다. 실전에서는 당연히 이렇게 너그럽지 않으니까 주의해주세요!) reasoning. Also, children can choose what they what to perform in their time. This may enhance their independence and identity and help them learn how to organize their time efficiently. Of course, there are good things in work and children can learn many things through studying in schools. Nevertheless, children should have lots of many free time because they are not scholars. By studying in the classroom, they would be able to read the Studying in classroom can read alpabets but that can not ensure to understand its meaning. While children can learn a lot of experiences in their time and that play a significant role in their values. In addition, acquired skills in childhood will help them to live in communities when they become adults. Children should be given knowledge and skills for adult lifes. Having free time is not a waste and it should be cherished.
For the reasons mentioned above aboved, I totally agree agreed that children should spend more time in freedom rather than schoolwork because of release their curiocities, enhancing their skills and the experiences that can affect life.
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목표 6 - 6.5
감사합니다!!
총평: (6/5/6/6) 6.0
6.0이긴 한데 되게 아슬아슬한 상황입니다. 고로 특히 문단 배분에 있어서는 조금 더 신경써주시는 게 좋을 것 같아요. 지금처럼 모든 내용을 하나의 본론 문단에 때려박는 것이 아니라, 적절히 두 개의 근거를 찾아서 두 본론 문단으로 끊어주시는 게 좋습니다.
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