Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
It is a common opinion that science and technology are more the most significant than history in school subjects. Nowadays, IT field, such as Silicon Valley in the United States, demands outstanding individuals at science and technology. To foster better improvement in the future technology industry, science education is vital for school subjects. (여기에 aabb님의 입장인, '역사가 중요하다' 를 바로 밝히고 들어가시는 게 좋습니다.)
These days, most of people are using various technologies in daily lives and people are enthusiastic about new groundbreaking technologies. The technology has made people's life easier and convenient so technology filed had never been enough (여기는 어떤 의미로 적어주셨나요? 댓글 주시면 확인하고 수정해드리겠습니다.). People are requiring more and more for new technologies. Therefore people are aware of the importance of science importance so that our modern schools are making an effort to be more focused on teaching science. However, I will be considering that in an opposite perspective.
At most of countries, teaching children or students history is mandatory while but science and technology are not required by mandate in schools. It directly tells us that history education is more crucial. In fact, history contains every technology improvements which ancient humans have been through and it advises us what now human beings should currently achieve for further developed technologies. Without knowing history, there will be no chance for better science advancements.
In conclusion, I firmly agree with the that statements that of history is more important than science and technology in school subjects. If history is not treated as a dominance, there will be no greater progress of making new history in the future. For that reason, history should be considered as the most significant subject in school.
(263 words)
목표: 6.0
총평: (6/7/6/6) 6.5
자잘한 오류가 많아서 6.5까지는 확답을 드리지 못하겠으나, 6.0은 충분히 받으실 겁니다. 고로 어느정도 편하게 공부하셔도 되고요. 대신 서론에서 내 입장은 확실히 밝히고 가세요! 내 입장, 혹은 앞으로 글이 어떻게 전개될 것인지 중 하나는 확실하게 보여주셔야 합니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)