In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe that the money should be spent on improving existing public transport.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
It is a common belief that a the large amount of money should be invested for constructing a new railway for much faster moves between cities. However, there is a more persuasive argument that this money has to go for enhancing the system of public transport.
(이전 글과 마찬가지로, 여기의 경우도 문단을 구분할 때에는 엔터키를 두 번 쳐주시면 됩니다.)
On the one hand, it is told that constructing new railway lines is significantly important for a community because it would help make people to move faster between cities, resulting in decline of the time consumption and boost in economy. For example, in South Korea, there has been a new fast train between Ilsan to Seoul since this early year and it makes much less time to move from one city to another one than before, which was supposed to take at least one hour by a subway. The percentage of not only people not only who work from Ilsan to Seoul but also travel to this city increased considerably compared to last year. This development eventually leads to the boost of economy in those cities and provide the convenience and time save for domestic people, as well as foreigners who travel this area.
However, individuals also say, the most crucial investment in traffic system is to improve public transport. The number of people who are using cars when they go travel, work or go to school have been increased in recent years. Also, there are a lot of issues about traffic congestion and air pollution caused by packed cars. Improving existing public transport, such as making more public transports that people can use in commuting time or remodeling the old buses or subways can be one solution of these problems. If there are more transportation, like buses or subways especially in rush-hour, people would be likely to use them other than their own cars. The matter of whether Whether it is clean to ride and stay in one transportation or not also affects the number of people who use that transportation. This change will make the environment more clear with less fuel and solve the traffic jam issue in hustle and bustle cities.
In conclusion, where the large amount of money should be spent when it comes to traffic system is a contentious topic because there are opinions that support and oppose the idea. However, I think that the money is better to be spent on strengthening existing public transport in environmental and practical ways.
목표점수는 6.5 입니다! 첨삭 부탁드립니다 감사합니다:)
총평: (7/6/6/7) 6.5
서/결론이 암기된 티가 나는 건 아쉽지만, 어차피 7점 목표하시는 것도 아니니까 템플릿은 쓰셔도 무방합니다. 6.5 받는데에는 아무런 문제가 없는 글이므로, 어느정도 편하게 공부하셔도 될 거에요.
수고하셨습니다 :)