안녕하세요, task2 첨삭 부탁드립니다.
시간은 36분 정도 걸렸고 250자입니다. 글자는 더 늘려보도록 연습하겠습니다 ㅠㅠ
12월 시험 예정이고 목표점수는 7점입니다.
task2 도 많이 댕겨서 풀어보기 시작했습니다. 감사합니다:)
In these days, many young people are under a lot of pressure to work (초록색 부분들은 밑에서 말씀드리겠습니다.) and they do not enjoy their spare time. There are several reasons why they have to work during their studies.
First, tuition fees for international students are quite expensive. Numerous universities accept the students from abroad, but only a few universities provide them with enough scholarships enough. Sometimes, the tuition fees for international pupils are 5 more times expensive than domestics’. Therefore, they have to work a lot in order to keep studying their majors. Not only for the international students, but also the domestic students also struggle to keep their studies in financial reasons. In many cases, students do not get fully supported from their parents financially. Likewise, they need to reduce their times for leisure activities and fill these out with their part time jobs. It distracts the students to not focus on their studies.
However, there are a couple of feasible solutions which can be suggested. One of the suggestions is that the countries have to support them financially in various ways. For example, they can directly support the students with money or assist the universities to increase the scholarships for their students. In addition, it also affects to down lower the tuition fees. Moreover, the students will concentrate to their majors and it will be more beneficial to the countries themselves in a long term.
In a summary, I strongly believe that the nations have to provide both students include international and universities with financial support.
총평: (5/6/7/6) 6.0
지금 글은 오프토픽인데, 불행 중 다행으로 초록색이 아닌 부분은 운좋게 얻어걸려서 오프토픽을 피할 수 있습니다. 즉, 논제를 잘못 이해하셨음에도 불구하고 전체가 아닌 부분만 오프토픽인 상황이에요
논제의 work hard in their studies는 아르바이트를 의미하는 게 아니라, 공부를 열심히 하는 것을 의미합니다. 그러나 씽씽님은 전자로 해석하셨으며, 이로 인해 꽤 큰 타격을 받았습니다. 특히 초록 부분들이 그렇고요. 나머지 부분이 운좋게 얻어걸려서 TR에서 5점이라도 받았지, 사실 저게 얻어걸리지 않았으면 그 이하로 떨어졌어야 정상입니다.
이 글은 아예 새로 써서 새로운 게시글로 다시 검사 받으세요! (원래의 글에서 초록 부분만 수정하는 게 아니라, 아예 새로 쓰세요!)
수고하셨습니다 :)