We are becoming increasingly
dependent on computer-based technology. How do you think it will change in the
future? Is it good for us to rely so much on computers?
Individuals nowadays are more
inclined to hold on to new technological systems by using computers. I believe
that it could affect negatively on society in the future so, people should not
depend on computers.
To begin with, it is true that
people in modern society can have a convenient life more than ever due to developed
technology. Computers are not only providing useful information to human beings
but also can complete various tasks instead of human beings such as cleaning the
house, teaching children and driving a car. However, this role of computers in
the society could have a negative impact on the society members. The reason why is that the the
work used to be done by the public can be replaced by the AI system in near
future. For example, some schools in China, already have implemented AI system
for children and students mostly communicate with AI to learn something, not
with their actual teachers in the classroom. If society does not need a human
workforce then, it can be connected to huge unemployment issues in the future
for sure. (이 문단은 밑에서 말씀드리겠습니다.)
Moreover, AI system also could
invade someone’s privacy by collecting personal data and observing them all the
time. A majority of individuals are using computers on a daily basis and all
the important private information have been saved on their devices. Even though people
have not allowed them to provide personal information to the companies or governments
for certain purposes, the computers could give the data out without any
agreement. That is the reason why people can see the commercials that might fit
in their minds through social media websites because the computers already have
recognized what people want to buy or do given the records.
In conclusion, although the
technology based on computers has devoted the public effectively and there are
a variety of advantages, individuals should not be controlled and interrupted by
the computers because they could make people feel vulnerable and weak so that
other authorities or co-operations could get benefits. (여기의 경우 첫 번째 질문인 미래에 예상되는 변화를 조금 더 직접적으로 보여주실 필요가 있습니다.) 317
총평: (6/7/7/6) 6.5
평소보다 조금 아쉬운 글이었습니다. 본론1의 경우 미래의 영향에 대해서만 집중해주셔야 하는데, 그 외의 잡내용들이 이를 방해하는 상황이에요. 현재 인류가 컴퓨터로부터 뭘 도움받고 있는지에 대해서, 즉 본론1의 초반부에 대해서는 쓸 필요 없으니까 그냥 바로 미래에 예상되는 변화만 적어주세요! 미래에도사람들의 컴퓨터에 대한 의존이 더 늘어날 것인지 등에 관해 적어주시면 됩니다.
수고하셨습니다 :)