Gender equality has not been achieved in
our society. Women still do not have the same rights and opportunities as men.
To what extend do you agree or disagree.
It is often argued that there is still discrimination
of gender in our society. With regards to this, many people say women do not
have equal treatment as men. In this essay, I will discuss about this social
issue.
The discrimination of gender has definitely got better is definitely gets better than few decades ago. However, it is true that many people still
participate in social movements that against gender discrimination. It implies
that there are still problems about it that we have to solve. I believe most of
gender discriminations come from the old generation. Especially in the old generation,
some people think that the jobs can be sorted by gender. It is because they are
used to these stereotypes, and it would be hard to break their notion. Nevertheless,
the situation is getting better by social movements and educations.
However, social movements and educations
can lead to reverse gender discrimination. Most of people are not but some people
want special treatments than men have Some people want females to receive special treatments compared to males. For example, some social activists’
pressure created a women’s parking lot. If they want to have same rights and opportunities,
availability for a parking space also has to be equal. Therefore, some people’s
logic is contradictory. They are just using their logic for their own benefits.
To conclude, it is obvious that there are
still some gender discriminations and I agree to a certain extent that gender
equality has not been totally established yet. However, we should not overlook
the reverse gender discrimination. It can lead to an another social problem.
글자수: 251
시간: 40분 (테스크 1+2) = 58분
시험 11월 말
Q. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion 유형: 1문단 = 논제의 하나의 관점, 2문단 = 논제의 다른 관점 -> 맞습니다.
To what extend do you agree or disagree 유형: 좀 더 주관적으로..? -> 아닙니다. 동의면 본론1,2 모두 동의만, 반대면 본론1,2 모두 반대만 써주시는 걸 추천드려요.
물론 문제에 주제아 따라 다르겠지만 보통 both point of views 유형은 좀더 객관적인데 비해 오늘 쓴 유형은 좀더 주관적으로 쓰면 되는 건가요??
총평: (7/7/7/7) 7.0
글은 자잘한 부분을 제외하고 잘 써주셨습니다. 간만에 잘 되게 잘 써주셨네요.
글 대신 위에 질문해주신 바에 대해 말씀드리겠습니다. 일단 이하 내용은, 제가 이전에 말씀드린 후라이드 vs 양념 이론을 읽었다는 전제가 들어갑니다. 혹시 아직 안 읽으셨다면 지금이라도 꼭 읽어주세요! 매우 중요합니다.
제가 초록색에 표시해드린 내용이 부분동의입니다. '이번 글은' 다행히도 부분동의가 잘 되었어요. 그러나!!!! 그럼에도 불구하고 저는 부분동의를 정말 비추합니다. 동의할 거면 100% 동의하시고, 반대할 거면 100% 반대하시는 걸 추천드려요. 그 이유는, 부분동의는 정말 소화하기가 어렵기 때문입니다. 위에서도 말씀드렸듯이 '지금 글은' 부분동의가 잘 되었지만, 표현 등이 조금만이라도 꼬이면 바로 나락으로 떨어질 수 있으며, 심지어 어떤 논제들은 부분동의가 아예 불가능합니다. 그런데 학생들이 어떤 논제가 부분동의가 가능한지, 불가능한지를 구분하는 게 쉽지 않습니다. 이러한 위험요소를 아예 없애기 위해서라도 '부분동의' 를 손도 대지 말라고 추천드리는 것이고요.
수고하셨습니다 :)