목표점수 6.0 / 시험날짜 11월 말 / 총 32분 소요 , 단어수 267, 외부도움 x
Some people say that devoting one’s time to family activities is more important than spending time working. Others believe that dedicating one’s time to work is more important.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
A. It is a common belief that investing one’s time to work is more vital than spending time with family. However, there is a more persuasive argument that devoting one’s time to family activities is more important. The reason is/This is because (둘 중 하나를 넣어주셔야 완전한 문장이 됩니다. 본론1의 마지막 문장 역시 마찬가지에요.) Because people can improve their sociality and increase happiness through dedicating their time with family.
On the one hand, some people believe spending time to work is more essential because they have to deal with financial problems by working hard. If people could not figure out their financial wellbeing, they would not be guaranteed of their happiness. It is important to settle their lives by spending most of their time to work. For instance, working parents are usual in Korea even though they could not invest their time to spend with their children. Because they are in duty to stabilize their lives.
Nevertheless, I support the idea that people should spend their time with family because they are able to develop the bonding with their family and raise their sociality and increase happiness by devoting time to family activities. It is really important to have family time to increase the level of happiness, make a strong connection with each other and alleviate stress from work. By spending time with others, people can develop their sociality in good ways. In fact, a recently published study illustrates that a family that spends their time together will have good relationships in the society.
To sum up, while it is apparent that working hard and spending time to work is important, it is undeniable that having time and fun with family is more significant to increase happiness and develop the social ability.
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총평: (6/6/6/6) 6.0
6.5로 가기에는 조금 무리가 있어도, 일단 '틀린' 건 많지 않기 때문에 절대절대절대 5점대로 떨어질 글은 아닙니다. 고로 이정도의 글을 40분 내에 쓰는 연습만 잘 해주시고, Yeon님도 task1은 꼭 같이 병행해주세요! 7점 목표는 아니니까 task1은 그냥 최소한의 구색만 갖출 수 있게 써주시면 됩니다.
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