It has been said that there is a tendency that people community prefer to be a freelancer rather than to be employed for a company or
organization. There are some reasons and disadvantages to explain this, as well as its disadvantages.
First of all, one of the main reasons (뭐에 대한 이유인지를 다시 한번 밝혀주시는 게 좋습니다.) is
due to developed technology. For example, many people tend to access the Internet to internet
with their gadgets, such as a phone or a tablet, I-Pad. As a result of this there is an ease
of searching for useful information in regard to embarking on their business.
This could encourage them to be self-employed. Another principal reason is
because of stress caused by their workplace. For instance, it is highly likely
that many employments overwork under high pressure. This results in provoking
the emotion of strain, which might lead to resignment in order to be self-employed
with greater freedom.
The one of One of the noticeable disadvantages (여기 역시 본론1과 마찬가지입니다.) is that
there is a lack of continuity in terms of running a business on their own. For
instance, many influencers consequent upon their high popularity set up a
global market on Instagram. According to a survey conducted in Asian countries,
they tend to face a financial issue after their business heyday, which appears initially.
Another disadvantage is that it is not beneficial to run a business alone,
compared to working for a company or organization. For example, in South Korea,
officers in the army tend to receive a rice cake cost as holiday pay at the end of
year, which constitutes a significant amount of income. Due to this, it might
be disadvantageous that self-employed people they do not receive any extra pays.
In conclusion, there are some reasons to choose a job as a freelancer, many responsibilities and risks are considered. (원인과 단점에 대해서 요약해주시면 됩니다.)
목표점수 : 6.5
글자수 : 278
혹시 일관성이나 논리가 이상하면 지적해주세요 ㅎㅎ
항상 친절한 첨삭 감사합니다.!
총평: (7/6/7/6) 6.5
글을 쓸 때 핵심에 대한 꾸준한 상기를 해주는 것은 매우 중요합니다. 예를 들면 본론1에서 단순히 '메인 이유는~' 으로 가는 게 아니라, 'self-employment증가하는 메인 이유 중 하나는~' 으로 가는 게 좋습니다. 아이엘츠 뿐만 아니라 그 어떤 글쓰기에 있어서도 중요하므로 참고해주세요!
수고하셨습니다 :)