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Of late, one of
the most significant discussions in modern society is protecting people from
illness and disease. Regarding this issue, the government's policy of reducing environmental pollution and housing problems can which governments have to concentrate with reducing environmental pollution and housing problem help cure people's illness and disease. The purpose of this essay is to examine the reasons and benefits with an understandable conclusion.
There are those
with a belief that the governments’ policy is positive. The primary ground that
is clear to see behind their argument is that more and more people are finding
it increasingly possible for people to manage their health care simply, provided
that when people living in busy society prepare for something, group work could
do it easier than individual work (여기는 논제와 어떤 식으로 연관되는지 파악하기 어려운데, 댓글로 의도하신 의미를 주시면 확인하고 수정해드리겠습니다.). Another crucial element why they believe the
contention is that reducing environmental pollution by governments is seen as a
great contributory factor in citizens’ budget. The compelling evidence of this
that cannot be overlooked that for example in USE (USA?), the hospital cost is quite
expensive because individuals living in USE have to pay for all of hospital
service without governments’ support. Thus people living in modern society
could save their money. (바로 앞에 언급된 예시로 지금과 같은 결론을 이끌어낼 수는 없습니다. '길다' 의 반댓말은 '길지 않다' 이지만 이를 파악하지 못하고 반댓말로 '짧다' 를 사용하는 것과 같은 맥락에서 보시면 될 것 같아요. 즉 정부의 투자가 있는 국가의 사례를 들어주시거나, 결론을 바꿔주셔야 합니다.)
With the above
reasons, they insist that the policy is not only reasonable but also advantageous.
Primarily, anyone can see that this issue is associated with people’s life.
Such being the case, it is no exaggeration to say that nowadays, many people in the city suffer from a variety of illness, the most cause is environmental
pollution. (지금과 같은 문장은 의미없는 내용 채우기에 불과합니다. 시민들이 다양한 질병을 앓고, 이에 대한 원인이 환경 오염이라는 사실 자체는 크게 중요하지 않아요. 정부가 환경 오염 문제를 해결해야 하는 이유를 설명하는 게 우선 순위입니다.) What is also worth noticing is that the policy which governments reducing
environmental pollution for people’s illness and diseases is considered to
increase resource. This is mainly because a variety of resources are related to the environment so governments try the policy; it is not only good for people but
also advantageous for resources. (어떠한 자원에 있어서 장점이 있는지는 언급해주셔야 합니다. 지금 내용만으로는 설득이 이루어지기 어렵죠.)
Without going in circles, I agree with governments
reducing environmental pollution for people’s illness and disease. (~~에 투자를 함으로써 ~~의 의미가 담아지도록 수정해보세요!) This is because Because
there are a variety of benefits and reasons such as saving budget, health care
and protecting people’s life about this issue
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