안녕하세요. 오늘도 첨삭요청 드립니다. 토픽은 몇페이지 아래에서 베꼈어요.
Basically, I strongly agree that smoking should be banned in public place, including office area. It's mainly because smoke itself is harmful to those who don't smoke themselves. Korean adults are suffering from cancer diseases after their 40s, and the great portion of the adult disease is a lung cancer. Lung cancer is known to hardly be detected, and also known as invincible after it grows up over a certain degree.
Therefore, let's take an example of smoking issues in office. About 2 years ago, public health law started on regulating smoking in an office building that exceeds a certain amount of floor space and daily floating population. Out of the effort, many buildings have been designated as a somke-free building. This encourages smokers to quit smoking, and even some companies are giving incentivies for those who quits smoking for a certain period, normally 6 months to 1 year.
Also, we shouldn't miss the issues of smoking in public places, like bus stop and metro station. Those public places are, by its nature, used by both smokers and non-smokers. If someone smokes in such a place, the others - usually non-smokers - shouldn't avoid inhaling the smoke. Recent research showed that the risk of indirect smoking is a couple of times greater than that of direct one, so, in that case, non-smoker's probability to be caught in cancer could be in a sharply ascending curve. This is very ridiculous catastrophe for honest non-smoker.
To conclude, smoking should be banned in both office and public area, because it can harm the other non-smoking people. Likewise smokers have the right to smoke, non-smokers still have the right to not inhale the toxic, dangerous smoke. This could help decreasing the adult diseases' risk in the long run.
소위 목차라는걸 어떻게 잡아야될지 모르겠어요. 서론 중간 결론 이렇게 써놓기는 했는데 다시읽어보면 영 이상하고.. 뭔가 틀 같은게 있나요? |