Q) Children these days spend a lot of time apart from their parents because in many homes, both parents work.
What problems can be caused by this?
What are some ways to support such children?
In order to address the issue of children who spend much time without their parents, its causes should be analyzed by researchers from diverse perspectives. Otherwise, it can cause divergent socio-cultural problems. Therefore, I figure out those expected problems caused by this phenomenon and then suggest a practical solution below.
To begin with, those who spend a lot of time apart from parents because of working parents can easily be addicted to smartphone and Internet. Teenagers need adults who give advices not to overuse their smart devices since they are still immature to control and manage their time properly. Also, they are available to access to addictive activities such as playing mobile games and watching video clips on Youtube, with their smartphone. Moreover, it can occur the change of their brain structure just like a drug. As a result, children who have working parents will be negative influenced by the absence of guardians.
Therefore, I would like to suggest that the government should enact a practical law that guarantees to take parental leaves of all workers in order to alleviate this problem. This legal system is possible to make changes on the way of parenting and social atmosphere as well. All the workplaces including not only public institutions but also conglomerates and small-sized companies definitely will be encouraged to provide workers more time for parenting by the law.
To sum up, children who cannot be taken care of their parents because of their work are generally exposed by the danger of smartphone overdependence. Thereby, I suggest that the government should guarantee that all parents workers take maternity and paternity leaves freely by law. By doing so, more children can control their time for using smart devices and recognize the preciousness of family time.
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목표점수는 6.5 이상이고, 이번에는 답안을 작성하다가 시간이 부족해서 일단 시간 내에 급하게 마무리 지었어요.
위 글은 시간측정 이후에 Body2, Wrap-up 문단 부분을 고쳐 쓴 글이고 사전에서 어휘 몇개는 찾아보면서 썼어요.
그렇다보니 약 330 단어 정도로 분량이 많아졌는데, 실전에서는 내용을 좀 더 요약해서? 핵심위주로 작성해야겠다는 생각을 하며.. 올려봅니다. 감사합니다.