이게 제목이고 저는 이렇게 적었습니다.
The bar chart illustrates data regarding the proportion of high school graduates how much proportion high school students graduated in three countries from 2005 to 2011.
Looking from an overall perspective, it is clear that the rate of high school graduates in Luxembourg steadily went down. In contrast, an upward trend was seen in that of Portuguese and Mexican learners, even though there was a decrease in Portugal in the last two periods.
Looking at the bar chart more closely, one can see that one-fifth of the entire students just ended up studying at high school in the beginning, but it rose 2.5 times higher over 6 years. (실수이겠지만, 여튼 나라는 꼭 명시해주세요!) Identically, the percentage of graduating Portuguese students climbed 40% points between 2005 and 2009 before falling down 10% points in 2011. Meanwhile, Luxembourg had the highest proportion of high school graduates in 2005, accounting for 80% of the total. After that, its rate moderately declined 20% points through all the time in question as well as was overtaken by the rate of Portugal since 2009.
총평: (6/7/7/7) 7.0
네 갓파님 이번에는 그래도 문장들이 조금 더 다양해졌네요. 허나, 여기서 만족하지 마시고 꾸준히 모범답안을 보시면서 '아, 이 작성자는 이렇게 표현했구나~' 를 익혀주세요! 모범답안 분석은 특히 task 1에서 빛을 발합니다. 수고하셨습니다 :)
(163 words, on time)
항상 감사합니다. 저번에 feedback 해주신대로 문장구조를 다양화시킬려고 신경써서 했어요. 비밀번호는 1234입니다.