but still I have low-confidence in speaking English. In fact, I have had the confidence during my American high school yrs.
Everything was seem to be working as it is. Because I had set my goal for University.
And then I got accepted to public university, well known school in Texas.
But then my financial status couldn't make me sustain my college life where I entered as Art major. Now, I am currently majoring in CAD (Computed-aided design).
Then whole thing went upside down. Unexpectedly I had to go to CC where it has close proximity to that University.
Honestly, I didn't make out good SAT score back then. So I always think of it as a weakness that can be unhealed until I overcome those wall.
I really want to gain back the confidence that I used to have in high school where nothing seemed impossible for me to achieve.
I try to read books. I, myself can't really know every vocab even in children's book: Matilda, etc. I dejected and fell into hopelessness.
As much as I study, there is no seem to be ending. Even If had absorbed many vocabs, there is more and more.
I want to really know every grammar, vocabs, and proverb as native American. I know I set my goal too high.
But at the same time, I know nothing can't be done if my persistence allows.
I really want some advice..
Also, I have jealousy towards people around me, even friends, such as if they speak better English than me, I have such conceited and haughty mind that I think, "Oh, I can do that, you don't seem to be realize that you are not the only ones doing it." I have such distorted manner towards other people.
Now seems to be getting worse and worse, and I even thought about suicide.
Please could you help me out to ease my low-confidence? I am submerging under the never-ending depth of sea.
Also, do you think Speaking other language is more related to their IQ, or intelligence? I feel dumbfounded when I speak but I can read some classic books, and know how to write. I think I am not trying hard to raise my speaking ability.
What else would you suggest to improve my English. Reading books, Writing journals, and memorizing vocabs would help? Please, smart ladies and gentlemen, I will be much appreciated if you give me a hand by just writing some of your tips!
Even if my grammar is bad, so be it.