제가 토욜날 시험이라 첨삭까진 못바등ㄹ 것 같고
그냥 아이디어만 검사받고 싶거든요 ㅜㅜㅜㅜㅜ
지금 가야해서 결과까지 못썼지만 아이디어+에시만 봐주실 수 잇나요??죄송합니다 이렇게 주절주절 ㅜㅜ
추가로 써야하려는 것은 공원같은건 날씨에 영향받아서 운동하기도 힘들고 사람들이 애초에 운동할 의지가 없었다 정도입니다
Various opinions may exist over the argument that the most important
thing governments can do to improve healthcare is to clean the
environment. Some people might think that protecting and making the
environment clean are the best way to improve people's health. However, as
far as I am concerned, it is better for the government to invest their
budget in increasing the number of faciliites where people enjoy
exercising. The idea stated below can be valid evidence to support my
opinion.
To start with, cleaning the environment does not always have great
impact on improving healthcare since it does not mean that people will
exercise. To develop physical health, people need to do exercise and make
their bodies heat up. When their bodies heats up, people are likely to
generate more white blood cells. A increase in white blood cells helps
people to strengthen their immune system. On the other hand, if people do
not have opportunities to do exercise, other things are meaningless.
Therefore, the government needs to invest their money in increasing the
number of facilities that give chances people to do exercise more. For
exmaple, in the 1970, the government started to invest in improving the
environment. They increased the number of forests and parks. In addition,
they tried to enhance public transporation systems in order to replace
cars. However, average rates of people's phyical heatlth did not improve
well. As a way to solve this situation, the government changed their
method to improve the exercise facilities. They builded up a number of
tennis centers. In addition, they provided free tennis classes for
citizens. This method encouraged people to participate in learning tennis.
Since people could enjoy playing tennis better than the past, they played
it more frequently. As a result, after two years later, th e goverment
found that rates of getting diseases were definitely decreased.