■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : it is a waste of money for the government to fund space travel or space exploration |
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▶ Your Answer :
General observation makes it clear that there are a lot of investments and exploration on space with the development of today's science area. Under these circumstances, there are some people who believe that the government should fund money for space travel or space exploration. However, I personally cast doubt on the (관사) above idea for subsequent two ideas. To begin with, it would be more efficient to invest on the environment problem rather than space area. Because environment problem such as air-pollution problems or a greenhouse effect are so visible and serious nowadays that it is necessary to urgently improve it. On the contrary, space areas are not a critical problem which should be solved as soon as possible. This is because developing space areas takes (주어 동사 불일치) numerous time and people who are live in current generation cannot enjoy the benefit. Thus, it would be better to fund a lot of money on environment problem which is more crucial issue. For instance, the atmosphere of earth is getting worse because of the air pollution with a number of automobiles and many people are aware of the seriousness of this concern. But if there are no solution made by government, individual's efforts on improvement of the quality of atmosphere would have a limitation. Thus, it is more important that the government should fund on the realistic method such as an enactment of law about vehicle exhaust emissions or making a day of non-automobiles. On top of that, some people cannot fairly enjoy the benefit of space because it is really costly. Even if the government can provide people a great opportunity to travel to the space in the future, it would be exceedingly expensive for the average people. Naturally, only few well-to-do people who afford to pay a lot money can take a trip to space. Let me bring up a compelling example. (문장 부호) I found recently, which was a coverage provided by BBC news. According to the research of the coverage, when one hundred people were given the assumption that they are provided a chance to go to space for free, more than 65% of respondents mentioned (시제 -> 과거 시제) that they are willing to accept the chance. However, when they were informed that it will take (조동사 + 동사 원형) them more than five million dollars to get to space, 95% of the respondents said that they want to give up the chance. This clearly shows that the average people have not enough money to enjoy space areas even with the desire to go to space. This means investing on space area could be a waste of money since only a small range of people can afford it. In conclusion, the government's funding to space travel or space exploration is slightly irrational because the solution of the environment problem is more important than that of space areas. Also, a majority of people cannot be guaranteed to enjoy the benefit of space because of the cost. For those reasons, I strongly believe that it would be a waste of time if the government invests (주어 동사 불일치) on space areas such as space travel or space exploration. |
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1. 사소한 문법 오류가 잦은 편입니다. proof-reading을 꼼꼼하게 해주세요.
특히 주어 동사 일치에 유의해주세요.
2. 이유 두 가지는 모두 합리적으로 잘 작성된 것 같습니다.
사례도 적절하게 잘 쓰였습니다.
3. 사용하시는 어휘의 폭을 대폭 넓혀주실 필요가 있어 보입니다.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*