▶ Your Answer : There is a debate about whether today’s life is more comfortable than the past. The answer to this question can greatly vary depending on the individual’s views. However, after pondering upon to the idea from several aspects, I think that today’s life is more beneficial for people in two perspectives. First, we can live better life because of many different kinds of transportation. Second, expecting people can also expect the future events became a lot easier due to the help of the internet. For one thing, because of industrial development of industry, such as transportation system, people can live a higher quality of life their life in high-quality. They can take the airplane easily to go to travel around the world, and they even can eat delicious foods in their home due to the delivery services. In contrast, people who lived in 60 years ago, they could not imagine these things. They always spent their time to work every day to feed on their family, and also they could not move out of city on feet in 1 day. This means that thanks to the electronic devices,(Against coherence) we can not only enjoy our life in comfortable, but also easy to access other place in short time. This shows that life today is easier and more comfortable than before by using electronic devices. On top of that, due to the development of technology, people can get knowledge about the future events from the internet. Many consider that knowing about the future is not related with living comfortable. However, it is undeniable that the internet services enabled people to know what happens in different areas out of their city. They can take the news from social network and expect future events easily.(How?) However, people who lived in the past, they worried about the weather, and they could not expect the unknowing events. For example, my grandfather sometimes wet his clothes due to the unexpected rain. This made him feel uneasiness and uncomfortable, so he had to change his clothes and took a shower. Furthermore, he damaged one time one day his house was hugely damaged by from tsunami. If he had taken the sign of information of the disaster before, he might have evacuated his house early. When it comes to knowing about future events. We can live more comfortable and easier than the past. To sum up, I highly recommended that life today it is more comfortable life today than the past. Opinions may vary from person to person, but what does not change is that this topic needs to be raised and discussed.
점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 2 | Score | Fair 18-23 |
- 첫 번째 주장을 transportation system으로 시작하셨다면 마무리도 transportation system으로 마무리하셔야 합니다. electronic device가 나오면 일관성 부분에서 감점을 받으실 수 있습니다. - expecting future에 대하여 언급하여 주시고 weather뿐인지? 다른 예는 없는지 살펴보신 후에 다시 제시해주시기 바랍니다. - 언급된 결론은 주장과는 관련이 적거나 general하여 일반적으로는 body 내용을 요약해주시는 것이 좋습니다.
|
|