▶ Your Answer :Nowadays, it is common for many people to use elcetronic devices to get various of information. However, some are still getting information from the paper materials such as books, magazines, and newspapers. As a person who benefited a lot from reading books, I definitely agree that reading paper materials is better than watching electronic devices to gain information.
In the first instance,(주장 형식으로 시작하는 게 좋을 거 같습니다) the reading paper materials keep our long-term memory to work better. It is already proven by various of researches that the rapidly switching information given by the electronic devices cause our brain to work slower with the memorization skills. (실험 결과가 너무 일찍 나온 편인 거 ㄱ 같습니다. 주장 설명이 조금 더 자세히 나온 후에 쓰는 걸 추천합니다) According to the experiment conducted by the professor Charles Mason in the University of California, it was clearly seen that the the students who read books and wrote papers remembered the same materials better than the students who watched video clips in memorizing. Using electronic devices might make it easier to get information, but the experiment shows that remembering and getting deeper information work better when one uses a paper material.
In the second instance, it is better to read paper materials since watching electronic devices cause too much stress to our eyes and degenerates the eye vision. In my case, when I was preparing for my biology project during my high school year, I had to do some researches using both the books and the internet. When I used books, I didn't have much pain with my eyes, so it was easy for me to read a lot for a long time. But on the other hand, when I used internet, I couldn't do the research for long because my eyes were too painful to hold the computers for several hours. I've realized that using the electronic devices too long can cause my eyes a problem. I had to part times to do the research using the internet. 이거보다는 인터넷으로 과제 정말 오랫동안 하다보니 red eye가 되고 너무 스트레스 많이 받았는데 다음학기 책 과제를 신청하니 너무 편하고 좋았다. 이렇게 쓰는 게 더 좋았을 거 같네요 그리고 but으로 문장 시작하는 거 지양해주세요
In conclusion, reading paper materials like books, paper articles, and magazines is a better way to get information than watching electronic devices such as the television, computer, and smart phones. It is because the paper materials help us to remember the information longer and the paper materials are better for the health of our eyes.
전체적으로 어휘에 조금 더 신경쓰면 좋을 거 같습니다. 기본적인 편이기도 하고 많이 반복적으로 나와서 다양성이 조금 아쉬운 편입니다. (특히 연결사/ paragraph시작하는 표현 위주로 공부 하는 거 추천드립니다) |