▶ Your Answer :
It is debatable whether children should have art and music as mandatory school subjects. This is an intriguing question because opinions concerning this can be different relying on individual perspectives. In my opinion, however, I agree with the statement for the following subsequent two reasons. To begin with, learning art and music when people are young is more effective than learning it when they are adult. Although children have little knowledge, they have an ability to absorb like a sponge every knowledge they encounter because of a continual increase in the size of their brain. Beginning to learn art and music at a young age would allow children to create a new passage to these parts. Furthermore, they have high imaginative skill, this would work well when they learn about music and art. For example, I took a painting class when I was an elementary school student. At first, I did not know how to paint at all. However, the more I learned about different methods of painting, I could do it well by myself from sketch to applying colors. Coming up with a new idea about what to draw was very easy for me at that age. Now, I usually enjoy my free time with painting, so I think it was a good choice to take the course.
On top of that, the art and music field is necessary throughout people’s lives. They spend most of their time working. After the children grow up, and when they get their jobs, they inevitably need to develop their hobbies to make their life happier and meaningful. Art and music areas would function as their good hobbies. Moreover, they can use these hobbies as a means of relieving their stress and making their friends. For instance, my father knows how to play the guitar. He started playing the instrument when he was nine years old. He considered playing the guitar as his main hobby and his strength, so he is very proud of it. In addition, he joined a guitar club in my city, he attends the club every weekend. He said that it is a good chance for him to take a break from hard work and meet different people who have different backgrounds. In a nutshell, children can learn about music and art more easily. Moreover, art and music can serve as people’s good hobby. In this regard, I strongly believe that children should learn about art and music in their school mandatorily.
주제에 맞게 아주 잘 작성해주신 것 같습니다. 오프토픽 크게 없고, 문장도 조리있게 잘 작성해주셨습니다. 제가 맨 앞에 고친 부분 말고는 문법적인 오류/어휘적인 오류도 없어 끊기지 않고 잘 읽을 수 있었던 것 같습니다. 다만 조금씩은 문장이 반복되는 부분이 있어보이니, 최대한 반복 없도록 clear하게 의미 전달 가능하도록 작성해주세요 |