▶ Your Answer : Youth violence is a shared social
problem. Some people thus might think that governments need to tackle this
issue by controlling the media, whom people see as responsible for inciting this
violence through films and television, while others do not. If I had to choose
one side, I would say that it is up to society itself to handle this issue
although youth are swayed by external influence. There are several reasons as
follows.
Today’s young people may be influenced by
many kinds of matters, such as films, websites, or their peers. It is unreasonable,
then, to single out films and television programs as a main influencer of
violence. In other words, kids may see violence and kindness, greed and
generosity, and all other human behaviors in pretty equal measure everywhere.
They can witness all of these things in one news broadcasts or viral YouTube
clips just as easily as they can in an action flick. Therefore, blaming the
entertainment industry is not only fair, but it is also wrong in that it ignores
the core roots causes of certain social behaviors. To suggest that the
government can control this is to avoid taking responsibility ourselves.
Indeed, a government’s role is not to act
as parents to its citizens, but to maintain order and provide the tools for
society to thrive; it should not tell people what they can and cannot do. On
the other hand, parents can and must oversee what their children are exposed to,
be it online, in a movie, a book, or any other source. Consequently, parents
must decide whether they want their children to watch a horror film; it is not
for governments to ban studios from making it. Furthermore, once we allow the
government to engage in censorship in one area, it will be free to act in all aspects
of people’s lives because negative influences are everywhere and have always
been so. Restricting people’s access to media will not stop the violence; in fact,
it may increase it as citizens begin to fight for their freedoms.
In conclusion, social behavior patterns
are impacted by many things, including, but not limited to media products, and society
should take care control of this. Governments should not be allowed to restrict
what film or TV companies produce because they will then have to spread their
control realm to all areas of society.
주제에 맞게 paragraph잘 나눠서 작성해주셨습니다. 주장도 아주 clear하고, 이에 따른 supporting detail도 자세하고, 논리있게 잘 뒷받침 하였습니다. 특히 두번째 paragraph 가 기승전결이 아주 잘 맞게 작성된 것 같아 읽으면서 가독성 정말 좋다고 느낄 수 있었습니다. 조금만 문장 다듬기/paraphrase 연구하시면 훨씬 더 quality 좋은 에세이 나올 것 같으니 파이팅입니다! |