▶ Your Answer : Some people think that people are less happier and satisfied compared to the past. However, I disagree with the statement. There are two reasons. First, thanks to the advancement of technology, people these days are much can be happier than in the past. Second, what matters for people in the past (What is the meaning of it?) was to make the ends meet. To begin with, thanks to the advancement of communication and transportation technologies, people's lives have become more convenient, so people these days are happier than people in the past. Regarding to communication technology, they can now enjoy chatting chats with others and learn about what they want to know easily. These made makes people's lives are more energetic and satisfied compared to the past. For instance, by using internet, now they can talk and share photos with family members or friends wherever they are. In the past, on the contrary, people should write letters, mail them mails and wait for the reply for many days. Moreover, by watching shared videos in YouTube, people nowadays can gain knowledge necessary for living that is needed in their lives or that people are interested in. As described in this example, by satisfying filling people's desire with advanced technologies, people these days are happier than people in the past. On top of that, people in the past must be worried about living issue (What is that?)and this issue brought concerns and stresses increased stress that people received. In contrast to the present time, people in old days had struggled to make the ends meet. The productivity of food resources in the past was much lower than now that at the present. Farmers were often failed to meet demands of food resources due to weather conditions or harmful insects. The research conducted by Seoul Agriculture Center can be a compelling evidence of the claim. The researchers investigated the crop yields for few decades in Korea to determine the relationship between agriculture and people's lives. The result was intriguing. As the crop yield has increased with the flow of time, the people's lives become became more affluent. Moreover, stress level they got from (where? mention it) has get for living issue become decreased. To sum up, taking the benefits from the advancement of the technologies and living issues in the past, people are happier and satisfied compared to the past. For these reasons, I disagree with the statement. 채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 2 | 3
| 2 | 3 | Score | Fair 17-23 |
- I disagree with the statement. There are two reasons. --> 라이팅 문장으로 보기에는 다소 짧은 길이로 구성이 되어 있어요. - enjoy --> 다음 동사 -ing 로 만들어주셔야 합니다. - 정확한 뜻의 단어를 사용할 수 있도록 유의하여 주세요. - 두 번째 내용은 weather forecast와 farming technique 에 대하여 덧붙여서 설명해주시는 것이 좋겠습니다.
|
|