▶ Your Answer :
In the ever-changing and developed world, it is debatable whether human activity is making our planet a worse place to live. In general, the consensus view seems to be that people are trying to develop our planet so as to make it live well and satisfy us. (In what way?) In my opinion, however, I firmly believe that human beings are making the earth contaminated and unsuitable to live for the following two subsequent reasons.
First and foremost, industrialization has is created by human, and human beings caused a lot of damages on to the air atmospheric environment. To be specific, since many modern people nowadays want to make large amount of profits, (How about people living in the past?) they built many factories, which contaminated the air condition in our planet. As a result of this, most people all round the world are suffering from Global Warming, Yellow Dust, and Micro Dust, which are accumulated in our body forever, which means that our planet is being damaged by human activity. For instance, there is a poll conducted by the Johns Hopkins University with their 500 students majoring in social environmental philosophy. The purpose of the survey is to understand the disadvantages of industrialization. The majority of them argued that industrialization is one of the negative factors in our environment and factories’ gas is currently a serious concern. An overwhelming 92 percent responded that modern people should put a high priority on our air condition, and reduce the amount of toxic gas and smoke emitted by current factories.
In addition, in many of today’s societies there is a human activity making the earth a worse planet to live. (What is it? Not enough as your topic sentence) In fact, people do litter their trash in their streets and towns. Such trashes, in particular plastic cups, then are thrown away into move to their the river and the ocean, which means that their trivial habit is making the sea filled with consisted of plastic segmentation and toxic chemicals. Finally, human beings consume the fishes that consumed such materials in the sea. (Make it clear) Obviously, this food chain comes from a slight human’s habits. My own experience is a compelling example to explain this. Three years ago, when I went to sushi restaurants in Japan, my friend and I were eating sushi. At that time, I watched a documentary while eating raw fish. Terribly, the narrator (Who is he or she?)said that do not told us not to consume raw fishes because it might have micro plastic particles that are invisible by human’s eyes. As a result, we stopped eating such contaminated sushi.
In conclusion, taking the current air environment and plastic particles into consideration, I strongly believe we are making the earth an inhospitable place to live. Never should we forget that this issue may have a huge impact on our lives.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 2 | 3
| 2 | 3 | Score | Fair 17-23 |
- 비슷한 의미이므로 following 또는 subsequent 중에 하나를 택 1 하셔서 사용하시면 됩니다.
- 이익을 추구하는 것은 과거에도 마찬가지 일 것으로 보입니다. 또한 industrialization은 late 18th 에 영국에서 시작한 것으로 과거에 벌어진 일입니다. 참고하시기 바랍니다. - 대기는 air 가 아닌 atmosphere 로 바꾸어주셔야 합니다.
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