▶ Your Answer : General observation makes it clear that there are many things to have great effect on children such as cell phone, and social networking websites. Thus, it brings about a debate on whether or not these things make children have difficulties in doing tasks nowadays. According to my understanding, the notion that many technologies which have emerged nowadyas nowadays made children have difficulties to do doing their tasks turns out irrational and disagreeable.
To begin with, in the past, there were also other things that interrupted children to do from doing their tasks. Almost every family in the past worked in agriculture. Planting vegetables and reaping crops required a lot of labors, so children usually supported their parents with the tasks. Thus, children in the past were interrupted to from doing do their own study studies and tasks. On the other hand, children now these days do not have to support the tasks and can concentrate well on their academic tasks. For example, when my father was a teenager teenagers, his family operated an apple farm. He was interested in studying mathematics and English, but he could not study these subjects a lot. That is because there were a lot of things to do such as planting the trees, cultivating and reaping apples. In contrast, my parents are running a business now and there is no tasks for me to support them. So, I can focus on what I want to study and what I have to do in a class. This clearly proves that there were more distractions to for children in the past than for those to contemporary children.children today.
On top of that, children today can even have benefits from the technologies like the Internet internet and smart phones for their education. People nowadyas nowadays can get a great deal of information from the technologies like the internet and smart phone.(이 문장은 너무 반복적입니다. 지우는 나아요.)Moreover, children can share information and knowledge with other people in a social neworking website. For example, I am now studying English to get a better score in TOEFL test. Whenever I am faced face with a word I do not know, I can easily search the meaning of the word in a short time. Moreover, I usually enter a website, Gohackers, and get a lot of information about the test. Whenever I ask someting about the test, other users answer my question quickly. The most supportive thing of this website is that when I write an essay for independent writing section, other people correct my essay and give some advice for to me. Due to the internet Internet and the many useful websites, I could improve my English skills and gain valuable information about the test. The same situation could apply to those who make use of the internet Internet and social networking sites.
To sum up, the argument that children nowadays cannot be educated as much as those in the past due to the disturbances of the modern technologies is irrational and disagreeable. That is because in the past, there were also a lot of things that interrupted children to from doing do their tasks, and children today can even utilize the internet Internet and devices for their tasks.
[Score]
23-24
[Feedback]
- Internet은 대문자로 써주세요. - phrase들을 알고 있으면 도움이 됩니다. Ex. interrupted from~, limited to~, agree with~, argue that~, etc. - 단수 복수 수 일치 주의하세요. - 예시도 적절했고 주장도 잘 support 해주셨습니다. - nowadays spelling 조심하세요. |