▶ Your Answer :
Some people take it for granted (이 phrase의 대한 이해력이 부족한 거 같습니다. 이 문장에서는 이 문장이 적절하지 않아요.) believe that
chasing dream is useless because this is not visible and it is not practical thing.
However, in my opinion, following one's dreams is makes one’s life more meaningful.
The rationale behind this is that dreams helps people feel a sense of achievement and it will lead to people
become becoming healthier mentally.
First of all, one’s dream enables
people one to get have personal satisfaction in life. This is mainly because unlike the
material possessions things, most of us get a sense of fulfillment from the dreams we have,
especially when we accomplish our goals and this accomplishment is acknowledged
by others. In other words, we can feel self-contentment by achieving a dream at
work. For example, my uncle is a doctor at
an inner-city general hospital. Before becoming a doctor, he worked for an
engineering company because he could earn a lot of money. At that time, he seemed
always tired and stressful.stressed. However, ever since he became a doctor, he always feels
felt happy by examining tens tons of patients everyday who rely on him to become healthy.
What is more, he considers his job worthwhile after his patients gets better,
and he is truly satisfied with his honorable job, although he cannot earn as
much money as before.
Moreover, chasing a challenging goal
helps to maintain one’s health. An important reason is that unlike having a
meaningful goal in life, people can be stressed out when they just try to
achieve practical success. This is because when people fail to get money or
power that they followed, they feel frustrated and stressful stressed. seriously. What is
worse, stress is one of the primary factors of illnesses through as it weakening weakens the
immune system. Thus, people are more likely to be mentally and physically weak
when just pursuing money or power. From own my experience, until For example, until last
year I worked for a finance company. At that time, I often feel felt stressed out because
I didn’t sleep and spent most of my time working to make a fortune. This led to me
to suffer from headaches and insomnia. However, after changing my job into a
painter that I have dreamed of since from childhood, I do did not have a hard time because
of in terms of dealing with serious health problems. Because I have had enough time to take a rest, I felt feel much
happier when drawing paintings, and spend spent time in doing meaningful works for
me.myself.
In conclusion, without any doubt, I
firmly believe that is chasing dream is a better choice. The reason is that it
helps people feel sense of achievement and makes people to be healthy.
[Score]
19-20
[Feedback]
- 단수 복수 수 일치 주의하세요.
- 현재형과 과거형 중에
한 개를 선택해 시제를 맞춰주세요. 예시를 들 때 전의 이야기를 하는 거면 주로 과거형으로 씁니다.
- "things"라는 단어는 자제해 주세요. 너무 범위가 넓고 무슨 뜻인지 잘 알 수 가 없습니다. 더 구체적인 단어들을 써주세요.
- 예시들은 적절했고 주장도 명확해서 좋았습니다.
수고하셨습니다~
|