In
this given set of materials, there is some discrepancy between the view of the
author and the lecturer over the issue of the moai that is (is로 써야하나요, are 로 써야하나요?) impressive masonry works found in Easter Island. moai는 복수로도 쓰고 단수로도 쓰니까 is, are 둘 다 괜찮습니다. 다만 글 안에서는 한 가지로 통일해주시는 것이 좋아요. 해당 문장에서는 요약에는 크게 필요 없는 내용이어서 삭제표시했으니 참고해주세요~ With three
cogent explanations, the lecturer raises the objections to the alleged reasons
for building the moai in the reading.
To
begin with, the lecturer debunks the author's first conjecture since there were far more monuments than they had to should be. To elaborate in detail, the lecturer claims if people they had built
the monument yearly, the number of them should have been be approximately 500 as
they had remained for 5 five centuries. This is in direct opposition to the author's
claim that the moai would have been for celebrating one's victory who won a the annual competition.
On
top of that, the lecturer also indicates the dissent over the point on the
moai. The lecturer sounds convinced that the author is making an manifest error about the
reason for constructing the statues since some of them do not look into the sky(did not 과거형으로 써야 할까요?) while they
seem to look down. 과거의 사실이 아니라 moai의 일반적인 특징에 대한 설명이므로 현재형을 쓰는 것이 맞습니다. Moreover, any artifacts related to rituals were not found near of the mounds, which means that there is no reason to regard them as something religious. However, the author clarifies that the moai would have been built
for being used in religious ceremonies or rituals. 이 내용에 lecturer가 반대한다고 먼저 소개하고 그 이유로 하늘을 보는 것만 있는 게 아니라고 연결해서 정리하는 게 더 흐름이 자연스러울 것 같아요.
Thirdly,
the lecturer goes to expound that the author's final idea on the purpose of the
moai. The lecturer mentions opposite directions where the moai faces toward to
corroborate his opinion. The lecturer adds that some DNA analysis has have proven
that ancestors of the residents in the island were related to Polynesian. , however, But they had settlements to not only in the west of the island but also in the north and south of it. For the reason, experts cannot be sure if the ancestors came from the west. This counters the author's theory that they might
have made the moai for showing their respect to their ancestors coming from the
west. 마찬가지로 이 내용도 서쪽에서 온 조상을 기리기 위해 만들어졌다->아니다 왜냐면 서쪽에서만 온 게 아니기 때문이다, 라고 주장반박 순서를 맞추는 게 더 자연스러울 것 같아요.
Comment :
각 본론에서 두 지문이 대립되는 내용을 잘 담아주신 것 같아요. 다만 요약문으로 보기에는 분량이 너무 많은 편인 것 같아요. 핵심적인 내용 외에 반복으로 느껴지는 표현이나 설명을 제거해서 최대한 간결한 요약문이 될 수 있게 한 번 더 글을 정돈해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 요약문은 최대 200단어를 넘지 않도록 하는 것이 좋다고 하니 참고해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Integrated Writing Rubrics Score 4/5
A response at this level is generally good in selecting the important information from the lecture and in coherently and accurately presenting this information in relation to the relevant information in the reading, but it may have minor omission, inaccuracy, vagueness, or imprecision of some content from the lecture or in connection to points made in the reading. A response is also scored at this level if it has more frequent or noticeable minor language errors, as long as such usage and grammatical structures do not result in anything more than an occasional lapse of clarity or in the connection of ideas.