▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly,
playing games plays a significant role in people’s daily lives in many of the
places where they work or play. Some people think that playing video games is a
waste of time, but while others do not. Both sides may have their own reasons
to support their views. If I were asked to choose one, I would say that playing
video games makes people lives better. There are several reasons as follows.
To
begin with, playing video games can be a method of refreshing. In hard competitive
daily lives, it is very important to find something to enjoy. Enjoying video
games enables people to be out of routine and stop being worried about works
and study. While playing games, people can lower their stress levels. For example,
Tokyo University found a huge difference between two groups of young adults in
school performance. One group consisted of those who had spent their times
playing games twice a week, and the other group was made up of those who had
not experienced playing games at all. The researchers had found that the former
was more likely to have higher SAT scores than the latter. In particular, the
first group showed that after playing games, they could geot rid of stress and focus
on studying more than before. On the other hand, the second group tended to be
tired and stressed out. This implies that playing adequate games is key to mental
health.
In
addition, playing games contributes to making friends. Playing video games is a
hobby of nowadays people. People who have same hobby tend to spend lots of time
together. Being with together can makes people close to each other. For instance,
my younger brother had a hard time in new school shortly after moving. It was
difficult for him to make new friends. However, he has changed little by little
after he started playing ‘over watch’. Almost every person in his age teenagers enjoyed
this game. Naturally, people who have same interest tend to get be close easily
than the others. So he and his classmates went to the internet cafe and played
the game together. He realized that this game helped him to broaden his
relationship. Without this game, he would fall behind.
All
things considered, I strongly believe that the advantages of playing video
games far outweigh its disadvantages for the reasons I have mentioned above.
All in all, the importance of playing video games cannot be overestimated in
the pursuit of happiness in life.
Good (24–30)
첫번째 본문 -could 동사 뒤에 동사 원형입니다. -끝에서 두번째 줄에서 문맥상 stress-->stressed
두번째 본문 -with 와 together 중복적 의미이므로 with 빼주세요. -can 동사 뒤에 동사 원형 -every 하고 뒤에 대상이 없으면 의미가 모호합니다. everyone, every person, every student 등 디테일을 넣어주세요. -문맥상 be 동사보다 get 동사가 어울립니다. be close: 현재 친하다 get close: 친해진다 이런 느낌입니다. 전체적으로 내용 좋습니다.
수고하셨습니다~~ |