▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly, traveling experience plays a significant role in people’s daily lives in many of the places where they work or play. Some people might think that taking a year off to go on a trip after finishing high school is necessary, while others do not believe this way. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views. If I had to choose one, I would say that taking a year off to travel is better. there are several reasons as follows. To begin with, having a lot of experience can improve their independence and broaden their perspective. Traveling other countries and meeting variety cultures requires them to be diligent, passionate, and self-disciplined. When these personal traits are developed, it is likely to bring a better result when they study in university. For example, according to a study conducted by Seoul National University in 2005, two groups of university students showed a huge difference in their academic performance. One group consisted of those who have traveled more than a year after before university, while other group was made up of those who have never gone on a trip. The researchers found that the former group was more likely to receive higher score on their university grades than the latter. In particular, the first group showed a longer attention span, a stronger passion in their tasks and a better ability to delay gratification. On the other hand, the second group tended to get easily distracted, procrastinate, and act on impulse. This implies that traveling experience is the key to success academically as well as professionally. Without this experience, one would fall behind. In addition, when students going on a trip, it enables them to relax and recharge their batteries. Fresh New experience in other countries culture provides them rest and energy to refocus on their study. For example, when my sister was in high school, she often felt depressed thinking that her life became an exhausting routine. To survive in a competitive world, she spent the whole day studying all academic subjects, hoping that she could outdo others. Although she made constant effort, it was not easy because everyone was working as hard as she was. Fortunately, she was able to deal with such pressure and stress in a safe way by traveling Japan for a month on her vacation. Even though it was just a short period, she could let off some steam. All things considered, I strongly believe that the advantages of going on a trip far outweigh those of going straight in university for the reasons I have mentioned. All in all, the importance of taking a relax cannot be overestimated in the pursuit of happiness in one’s life.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 3 | Score | Fair 17-20 | - 첫 번째 논지인 independence와 예시와는 거리가 상당히 먼 편이에요.
- 내용이 대부분 템플릿을 따라가고 있어 진부하고, taking a year off before entering school이라는 topic에 포커스를 정확히 맞추지 못하고 있어요.
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