▶ Your Answer : Some people think that moving to a new city of country is not a good idea because you will lose your old friends. (주제 단어 그대로 사용하지 마시고 paraphrase해 주세요) However, In my case, I believe that even moving to other cities dose not make people keep in touch with their friends. Since all people cannot live in their hometowns, they can move to strange places unintentionally someday, and people can connect with their friends anytime by using different communication devices. To begin with, you can experience totally new ones (one이 가리키는 대상이 분명하지 않음) and learn numerous somethings (things가 가리키는 대상 또한 분명하지 않음). People can make friends with diverse background and visit new venues in a new place they will live (주제에 나온 내용 반영). By moving to a new city, a person can develop him or her to get highly adaptable in new environment, which can be a great asset in one's personality. So, all these will be personal properties. Particularly, having a wide social network is a basic component to succeed in the future because who you know is moreimportant than what you do for you. (이 문장이 주제에서 어떤 것을 의미하고 결론과 연결되는 지 연결점을 찾을 수 없습니다) For example, I will talk about my experience to illustrate this point. When I was little, (가급적 대략적인 나이는 명시하는 것이 좋습니다 - 예: 중학생) I lived in Seoul for 15 years. Every day I and local friends got along with each other and spent most of our time outside, playing hide and seek and board games, but I had to move to Gang-Ju since my father transferred his job. At first, I really disliked to move out and stayed away from my best friends and cried out every night. Finally, when I went to the strange place I felt lonely and missed my old friends. However, soon after I make up new friends easily, my new friends brought me to a local library, a museum and an amusement park. I experienced new world and spent a great time. Consequently, I did not have to feel alone; I think variety of experiences are not fears but helps. (이 문장이 이 예시 내에서 어떤 의미를 차지하는 지 불분명합니다) On the top of that, Moving out of one's town does not mean that a person lose his or her old friends forever. To be specific, these days, people can keep in touch with their friendswhenever they want. Since the public transportation and communication services are developed enormously, a person can meet friends as long as he or she makes up mind. If I miss my old buddies, I also use the Internet telephone. By using it, I am able to talk about my recently events while l look at my friend's face whenever we live, even when I live in a completely different country. individually. This shows that keeping in touch with friends who live away from a person is not difficult anymore. According to the research conducted by The Korean Broad of Education to understand whether moving out their hometown could affect relationship with old friends, theresearchers tracked the habits of 200 university students over a three year period. What they found was intriguing. They have kept in touch with friends with mobile phones frequently and actually met at least every month. Moreover, they said that the physical distant is not a big deal to meet friends since ~ (왜 만남이 어렵지 않은지 이유 작성)This study demonstrate that living a different area respectively does not lose old friends.
To sum up, separating with your old friend is not a bad experience because people can meet new people and places. Plus, they can hang out with their friends whenever by using public transportations and communication equipments. In this regard, I firmly believe that moving to a new areas is not a negative idea.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC | ORGANIZATION | PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE | LANGUAGE USE | GRAMMAR | FAIR | FAIR | LIMITED | LIMITED | LIMITED | 각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD |
- 대문자 사용 실수 - 문단 구성 및 논리 입증 부분에서 일부 충분히 설명되지 않은 부분이 있습니다. - 문장이 단순하고 같은 실수 지속적으로 반복 - 관용어구 사용 실수 - TOEFL에세이는 설득력을 높이기 위해 내용을 객관적이고 general한 측면을 강조해야 하는데 예시 외의 이유 등에서 "I"가 반복적으로 사용 - 소유격 통일 (I 로 주어: my event) - Spelling Error
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