▶ Your Answer :
Do you think What do you think is the best way to
gain one’s responsibility and be accountable for oneself? I believe that people
could can develop these virtues by taking charge of position which requires their
devotion. In this regard, I have no doubts on saying that part-time job is
beneficial to teenagers and should be encouraged. At the same time, the
experience opens the eyes of teenagers to have a wider point of view.
First of
all, working as a part-time worker could help teenagers to be a mature, having
and responsible for oneself, by providing some challenges. They are considered to
should be responsible, such as arriving at work on time, following schedule, observing
work regulation, and thoroughly completing tasks while they are on their job.
For instance, I had worked as a teaching assistance in an academy when I was nineteen
in order to earn money. However, what I earned the most is the sense of
responsibility and how to finish works correctly. By handling multiple tasks at
once, I learned time management skill and exact process of the tasks which I
have taken charge of. The work turned out to be valuable lesson to me, even
though it was demanding.
Second, working
teenagers tend to have wider view towards to the world. They usually know how to
deal with various kind of difficult situations. According to the research
conducted by a Economic Journal, teenagers who have worked has have higher level of
achievement compared to teenagers who have not gone through a the same experience.
Dominate 80% of teenagers who had had part-time job responded that the job changes
the view toward the job markets. This study also specifies the result that the sense
of accomplishment and realistic mind accounts for the reasons of explain this
significant majority. Taking part in an organization gives teenage workers a
confidence and motivatinges them to be more successful. Also, they easily balance their
reality with ideal, since they had observed actual job environment.
For these
reasons, I feel that part-time works for teenagers is beneficial and should even
be encouraged, because it helps them to learn valuable lessons and broaden
their point of view.
[Score] 22-24 [Feedback] - 글의 구조와 내용은 좋으나 문법적 오류와 어색한 표현이 글의 흐름을 방해합니다. 주어와 동사의 수 일치나 시제와 같은 기본적인 문법을 틀리지 않게 주의해주세요. 그리고 문장을 불필요한 수식어로 길게 늘어트리지 마시고 최대한 간결한 표현을 사용해주시는게 이해도를 높이는데 더 도움이 될 것 같습니다~ 수고하셨어요^^
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