Some people think that going on a trip or playing group sports is have great contribution to greatly contributes to making new friends. However, in my opinion, the most easy easiest way to make new friends is club activity. There are two reasons : people can meet more often and they have a matter of common interests.
To begin with, people are gathered in specific club according to their interests. What I mean is that, they can share their common concern such as life-style, future plans, hobbies in a club. By sharing them, they can give and take advice about their improvement and plans with each other. For example, I will introduce my experience to illustrate this point.(불필요) during my high school years, I applied for Analysis of News club. After the first meeting, I was very shocked because the club consisted of people who were fixated on news. (Because ~~~. 는 불완전한 문장이죠. 앞의 문장과 연결해주세요) Every weekend, we gathered in a cafe, and shared personal thinking about society social problems. Also we shared ideas about personal future. When I had a problem about my future, members of club gave me solutions seriously. Without that club meeting, I would not have decided my dream until now. Come to think of it, community with people who have similarities with me is beneficial for making friends.
In addition, they have a meeting periodically. On the other hand, going on a trip or playing sports with others is intermittent activity. They keep in touch with each other less frequently than club members. The more they participate in club, the easier they can become familiar with each other. For instance, there was a research by Seoul National University with students as respondents. The researchers tracked the 200 students over a year. They were divided into two groups. The first group is was composed of people who have a club meeting twice a week. And the second group was consisted of students who went to trip once a year. What they found was intriguing. The former group was keeping in touch with each other for a longer time than latter group. This is because people who joined a club had face to face communication every week. In contrast, people who went a trip did not have opportunity to meet again. Through this study, it is proved that frequency of meeting is crucial in making personal network.
To sum up, by entering a club, people can meet others who have same interests and also their meeting is more frequent than other activities. In this regard, club activity is the most advantageous way to make friends.
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- 전반적으로 글의 구조라던지 문장의 흐름, 어휘, 아이디어 등은 좋습니다.
- 다만, 기본적인 문법적 오류가 글의 흐름을 방해합니다. 시제/ 불완전한 문장/ 대문자 소문자 등과 같은 기본적인 문법 실수를 최소화시켜주세요~
- 그리고 불필요한 문장이나 표현들은 삼가는게 좋습니다.
- 또한, 첫번째 아이디어의 경우 내용적인 측면에서 consistency나 논리성이 조금 떨어집니다.
ex. 같은 관심사를 가진 사람들이 모여서 이야기를 한다- 고민상담을 해주었다- 고로 친구만들기에 클럽활동이 가장 적합하다.
이 부분을 조금 더 구체적인 일화나 예시를 통해 improve시킨다면 더 좋을 것 같습니다~