▶ Your Answer :
Some people may argue that the most important factor when traveling is a good companion or good food. However, I have a different idea. I think people should consider good location when they are traveling abroad.
First of all, in order to learn many things, they should go to the good location. To be specific, it is a good chance to get new knowledge or information such as culture diversity or history of foreign countries for people. By going to the good location and gaining lots of experiences in there, they will be able to broaden their perspective. For example, in South Korea, many students go to the field trips in school since they were elementary school students. Almost All most all field trips are going to historical location or educational area such as museums or galleries. This is because, by going to a field trip, teachers can teach their students easily and students can learn effectively, so many schools have required the field trip to students.
Also, people can make lots of new friends in new spaces. In other words, people today live in a globalized world, so it is important to make a lot of friends who from various background. This is because, it will be their important and useful connection in the future as well. Many people want to go the good location which provides the communication chance such as social parties or social events with different people. Take my personal experience, for example., wWhen I have been traveling alone in US, I went to the party at the club in New Work. There were many events which talking with others by making groups randomly. I met lots of people who from various foreign countries y, and also I could make lots of new friends. It became my important social network and sometimes I meet my friends in many countriesy when I am traveling.
To sum up, I suggest people to go good location when traveling, because by going to the educational place, they can get new knowledge and by going to place which provide a social activity, they will be able to make lots of new friends.
Good (24–28) 첫번째 본문 -broaden one's perspective/horizon 으로 써주세요. -all most--> almost -특정 field trip 을 지칭하는 것이 아니므로, a field trip이라고 해주세요.
두번째 본문 -for example로 문장 연결하지 못합니다. 문장 두개로 분리해주세요. -I met lots of people who are from 처럼 who절은 who (주어) are (동사)로 써주세요. 아니면, who를 빼주셔도 됩니다. -also로 문장 연결하지 못합니다. and를 앞에 넣어주세요. -문맥상 단/복수 더 적절한 경우 분별해서 써주세ㅛㅇ. 내용은 둘 다 괜찮습니다. 문법/표현/철자 오류들 유의해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~
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