▶ Your Answer :
Government officials have the potential of
making decisions which may affect a large number of people and their society. Some
people may argue that a leader should simply serve the will of the people,
while other contends that leaders should make decision based on their own
judgement. I agree so far as politicians are skillful to expect a long-term
policy since they have deep knowledge and experience. However, the following
essay will argue that why this may not always be the case. The example of a
political corruption reveals that a politician should not always wield their
power for the public interest. (GOOD)
Admittedly, in certain cases which need
professional information, politicians should make decision based on their own
judgement. The first reason I have such a view is that government officials have
expertise about their field such as science, economy, or education. These
different kinds of expertise promote them to expect long-term policy better. In
the part of science, for example, they can expect well about dangerous factors,
following results, and efficacies after implementing the policy. In addition,
they can also calculate overall profits and revenue per year as a long-term
calculation in the part of economy. It is difficult for average people to
consider a long-term effect of these policies. + 이에 대한 example cases (Real-life incidents/statistics 등을 넣어주면 더욱 좋을 것 같습니다. )
However, our logical thinking allows us to
believe this is not always be warranted by several reasons. Although government
experts have a perspicacious expectation of a long-term policy, they sometimes
tend to implement a decision for a personal interest. For example, there are a
lot of political corruptions in our society. Many politicians often wield their
political power to extract and accumulate for private enrichment and ignore the
difficulties of citizens. Furthermore, such corruptions can be exasperated more
because most of politicians do not represent of general people in a nation. To
be specific, in Brazil, the most of government officials are white people
nevertheless the most of citizens are black people. Therefore, some policies
that affect directly to daily life such as tax regulation should base decision
of the people they serve. --> TOEFL의 경우 IELTS 에세이 혹은 기타 에세이들과 달리 주장에 대해 일관된 body paragraphs들/이유들을 작성하여 본인의 주장을 설득력 있게 풀어나가는 것이 포인트입니다.
To sum, I believe that politicians are good
at expecting of a future efficacy and a damage of long-term policies. Although
they have more insightful perspectives than common people, leaders should reflect
the will of people and consider various aspects of society. In conclusion, we
should not ignore the importance of reflecting the average people’s opinion and
pursuit. --> 결론 또한 introduction과 같이 일관되게 작성해주는 것이 중요합니다.
Writing 0–30 score scale: Limited (1-16) / Fair (17-23) / Good (24–30)
ADDRESSING TOPIC
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ORGANIZATION
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PROGRESSION AND COHERENCE
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LANGUAGE USE
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GRAMMAR
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LIMITED
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FAIR
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LIMITED
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GOOD
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GOOD
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각 카테고리별 SCORE: LIMITED / FAIR / GOOD
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- 현재 문장력/1st body처럼 내용을 뒷받침하는 또 하나의 이유+예시를 적고 결론 또한 일관되게 작성할 경우 좋은 점수를 받을 수 있는 글입니다.
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