▶ Your Answer :
There are different opinions regarding whether or not for success of their children, theparents should restrict them with through strict rules. Some people disagree with this statement because in the period of childhood, making them free giving children freedom is more beneficial for of growth. However, I am totally convinced that the rigid rules are vital for children to achieve success. In the following paragraph, I will explain the detailed and logical reasons over my opinion. To start with, through strict care by parents, children can have catch more beneficial things for success. In fact, it is important for children to be controlled under the regulation of parents. To be specific, it is certainly true that parents have more experiences and knowledge than children have. What it means is that parents do well know the information for achievement of better life. (What does it mean?) If it were not for parents’ assistance, children might be difficult to find method for their successful lives. Thus, providing the useful information to the children, they can get take a first step of development of their growth. Secondly, they are the people in the period of childhood, parents’ aid will have an significant influence on establishing the children’s perspective or thinking because this length of time will affect in the approaching future. Furthermore, for success, it is indispensable to build their characters and perspectives true point of view and thinkingrather than intelligence or knowledge. What I mean is that if the children strongly make a basic, they will drastically become developed with their own power. (Unclear point) For example, I’ll refer to my friend, Jason. She has was grown in the environment under the parents’ strict rules. Since she was too outgoing and having outspoken style to attack her friends’ heart. However, now, due to parents’ rigid care, she is now famous as a good business woman in our town doing her best and well dealing with diverse problems. This example shows that parents should set strict rules for their children’ success.
| 채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 2 | 2 | 1 | 2 | Score | Limited 9-15 | - 결론이 제시되어 있지 않습니다. - 제시된 예제와 근거들이 정확히 strict rule에 대한 내용을 명시하지 못하고 있습니다.예를 충분히 제시해주셔야 합니다. 상피적으로 겉도는 느낌이 드네요.
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