■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words.
■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer
▶ Topic : Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a long time. Which of these situations do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that human should be independent from their parents right after they become adults. However in my opinion, there should be more emphasis on living with their parents rather than such hasty independence. There are two reasons why being dependent on one’s parents is better.
First of all, if young adults turn to their parents, they would be able to get a significant amount of financial benefits from living with their parents. Since the society we live in is highly competitive, not all young adults can enter companies and make their living. In this situation, if they decide to ask their parents for some help to their parents, they can save an enormous amount of money. By living with parents, young people do not have to pay for the rent, do not need to worry about their meals and so on. Also, as lots of living expenses are saved, people will have more chance to spare their money for their later independence. For instance, there was a poll conducted by a group of sociology majors of Oxford university, with 300 seniors as respondents. The purpose of the survey was to understand the consensus about opinion of young adults’ about the timing of independence from parents in today’s society. The majority of respondents ranked being independent as late as possible over quicker options. The reasons were mainly concerned with the hardship of handling financial problems by themselves in this mercilessly competitive society. In the following interview, one of the respondents added that by longer aids from their parents, young adults can go to the society with more preparations.
On the top of that, emotional care is also an important advantage of living with parents. Young people are usually stressed out when they first cope with the society as adults. Since they have to deal with millions of issues by themselves such as getting a job, managing their new house, meeting and becoming close with numerous of new people. These are very stressful so young adults are prone to getting mental diseases like depression. Therefore they need to get proper emotional assistance, and their parents are the best ones in common. Because, parents are always ready to give unconditional love to their children and are the people who know and understand their kids the best. To give an example, my older sister who claimed to be independent from her parents right after her graduation would be the best explanation. After she decided to live by herself, she faced a lot of matters that are really hard to resolve at her job. Her boss gave too much pressure to her though it was her first time to manage such tasks. She also could not get some rest at her house because there was no one to say welcome her and listen to her story. Finally, my sister was extremely depressed so she quit the job and returned to the family. Living with her parents was the most efficient remedy to her because the parents did their best to empathize with their daughter and make her feel better. Soon after my sister became healthy, and she could get another job.
To sum up, living with parents as long as possible is (주어 동사 불일치) better for young people since it provides significant financial support to them and it really helps them to relieve their stress. In this regard, I firmly hold that young adults should be dependent on their parents for a long time.
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1. theirselves -> themselves 입니다.
2. 이유 두 가지는 좋으나 문법 실수가 너무 잦고
필요 없는 사족이 너무 많이 들어가 있습니다.
글을 깔끔하 다듬어주세요.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*