Working on many things at the same time brings about negative results.
Undoubtedly, working on many things plays a
significant role in people's daily lives in many of the places where they work
or play. Some people think that working on many tasks at the same time brings
about positive results, while others do not. Both sides may have their reasons
to support their views. If I were asked to choose one, I would say that doing
on many things at the same time brings cause negative consequences. There are
several reasons as follows.
To begin with, working on many tasks at the
same time allows people to decrease their work's performance. If they want to
increase their work performance, they require people to be a high
concentration, diligent, passionate, and self-disciplined. However, when they
work on many things at the same time, they are likely to lose their
concentration and bring negative results in their lives. For example, when my
youngest brother did poorly in college. He got distracted easily,
procrastinated, passive because of doing a lot of work such as having a
part-time job, studying his major, and doing his part in the soccer club. (이런 중언부언식의 나열은 필요한 경우가 아니면 지양하는 것이 좋을듯 합니다) However, he has changed little by little
after he quit useless tasks such as the soccer club, part-time job for raising
his grade in college. He realized that doing one thing at the same time helps him focus on his task, while, his doing many things at the same time could
negatively affect his life. Naturally, he started to maintain good behavior by
raising his grades in college. He showed characteristics of a longer attention
span and a stronger passion in his tasks. He was able to excel all throughout
college and received straight A's his classes. Without stop doing many things at
the same time, he would still have fallen behind.
In addition, when people work on one thing at
the same time by having a concentration, it can contribute to an increase on
their over happiness and have lot of free time to reduce their stress, while
when people work on lots of things at the same time, they need much time to do
their work and spend on a lot of energy. If they have free time in their lives
thanks to working on one task, It gives them a chance to experience something
different from what they would do in their usual routine. A new experience
tends to prevent them from feeling bored in life. For example, when my sister
was in high school, she felt depressed thinking that her life became an
exhausting routine. To survive in a competitive world, she spent the whole day
studying all academic subjects at the same time. Moreover, she has no free time
on her routine due to studying academic subjects. Fortunately, she was able to
deal with such pressure and stress in a safe way by studying only one academic
subject per day. She started to focus on a subject and have free time in her
usual routine. By doing so, she was able
to let off some steam and raise her grade in classes. If she had spent the whole day studying all
academic subjects at the same time, she would not have been able to escape her
boring life.
All things considered, I strongly believe
that it brings positive results to doing one thing at the same time for his
reasons I have mentioned above. All in all, the importance of working on one
task at the same time cannot be overestimated in pursuit of success in life.
Expression |
Weak |
Limited |
Fair |
Good |
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Grammar(문법) |
글을 문법에 맞게 썼는지를 판단합니다. |
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O |
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Word Choice(어휘선택) |
상황에 맞는 정확한 단어가 구사되었는지를 판단합니다. |
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O |
Syntactic Variety(표현의 다양성) |
같은 표현을 반복하지 않고, 다양한 어휘를 구사했는지를 판단합니다. |
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O |
Idiomaticity (관용표현 활용) |
사전적 의미를 담고 있는 단어들 이외의 표현들을 썼는지를 판단합니다. |
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O |
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Sentence Structure (문장구조) |
효율적 표현을 위해 안정된 구조의 문장을 구사했는지를 판단합니다. |
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O |
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Flow(문맥의 흐름) |
문장들간의 비약이 심하거나 처짐 또는 반복이 없는지를 판단합니다. |
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O |
Content |
Weak |
Limited |
Fair |
Good |
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Explanation(설명) |
Thesis나 topic sentences같은 main idea들을
얼마나 이해하기 쉽게 썼는지를 판단합니다. |
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O |
Exemplification (예시) |
Topic sentences와 관련된 example을 얼마나 설득력있게 풀어냈는지를
판단합니다. |
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O |
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Coherence(일관성) |
글이 주제에 맞게 전개됐는지, main idea들간의 연결이
잘 되었는지를 판단합니다. |
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O |
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Overall Organization (전반적 구성) |
서론, 본론, 결론
등 글 전체의 구조와 main idea들이 잘 어우러져 있는지를 판단합니다. |
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O |
Overall |
24 |
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comments: 개인적인 예시는 고득점을
받는 데에 한계가 있습니다. 유명인의 실제 사례와 같은 예시를 들어주시거나 하면 글의 설득력이 더
올라갑니다. 고생하셨습니다^ㅇ^ |