▶ Your Answer : Some people think that engaging in other activities while studying has a negative effect. However, in my opinion, engaging in other activities while studying has a positive effect on students. There are two reasons. First, it can help students concentrate. Second, it can relieve their stress. To begin with, engaging in other activities, such as listening music and watching television, while studying can help students concentrate. by doing lots of activities such as listening music and watiching television. I believe those activities let people focus on the work they are working on. are helpful to concentrate more. Imagine If you only study for all day without doing anything else, except study you will become tedious. This is because there is only a certain amount of time a person can fully concentrate on doing something. the level of concentration a person has is not longer. But However, if you engage in other activities while studying, your work productivity will increase. you can stand more time to focus on your work. Students are similar to this case. For example, I usually listen to music when I study math. study listening music even when I solve math problems. On the other hand, my roommate does not do anything else when she studies. engage any activities during her study. She and I both prepared for our final exams. Both her she and I prepare our final exams. When we took the test, however, there was a big problem. We take the same test, but there was a big problem. The place where we took the exam was so noisy. and distracted. For these reasons, my roommate could not focus on the exam, so and finally she did not do well could not write perfectly even though she studied hard. In contrast, I could do well because I had was used to distractions. study engaging other activities and the environment do not influence my concentration. As a result, I got an A but and my roommate did could not get gain a great grade. On top of that, engaging in other activities while studying helps students relieve their stress. These days, students spend most of their time studying and working every day, so some other activities can be of big help to them, and relieving stress is important because it influences their study too. In other words, refreshing oneself from the heavy workload allows the person to be energized again. having the outlet for stress has a maning in itself since it helps one regain energy and find the strength to go on. For instance, when my younger sister was in high school, she was very worried about going to college. she usually got stress from the fact that she had to enter university while studying. She studied ten hours every day, but her grades were not good enough. she cannot gain good scores. So I advised her to do some stretching, and it helped her to relax a little more. gave advice for her to stretch her body. And she became to enjoy stretching and also feel less stressful than before. Moreover, she memorized some professional academic terms during while stretching her body. Consequently, she could clear her head and memorize all the difficult terms, and she could finally get a good grade finally got a great grade on her biology test. To sum up, I am sure that engaging in other activities while studying helps students concentrate more on their studies and relieve stress. In this regard, I think engaging in other activities while studying has a positive effect on students.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Writing Score (0-30): 12-14 Score (0-5): 1.75-2.00 Grammar: 시제 일치, 접속사 사용에 주의 하세요. 반복되는 어휘나 어구를 사용하시는걸 피하세요. 예를 들어 engaging in other activities같은 표현은 바꾸지 않고 계속 사용 하셨네요. 유의어 사전을 꼭 참고 하세요. 그리고 단어를 사용 하실 때 사전 찾아보시면서 예문도 같이 보세요. 그 단어가 문장에서 어떻게 사용되고 어떤 상황에 그 단어를 쓰는게 적합한지 파악하는데 도움이 될거에요. 문장이 어떤 문장은 너무 짧고 어떤 문장은 너무 길어서 의미 파악이 잘 되지 않는 경우도 있었어요. 수고하셨습니다.
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