▶ Your Answer : Without doubt, television plays a vital role in children's daily lives in many of the places where they study or play. Some people think that parents should prevent chiildren from watching television so that children could study harder, while others do not. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views. If I had to choose one, I would say that allowing children to watch television makes them to study harder. There are several reasons as follows. ^ To begin with, watching television enables children to refresh their minds. After having a hard time at school, TV makes children to relieve the stress from studying. As a result, it is likely to bring them better academic results in school since they can work more passionately, and effectively. For example, my older sister, Yuri, used to be stressed, anxious, and depressed. However, she has changed little by little after she spent her time watching humorous TV program such as Gag Concert. She realized that watching funny program could refresh her mind, and relieve her stress. Naturally, she started to perform better at her tasks, and had a higher GPA than before. Without watching television, she would have fallen behind. ^ All in all, I firmly believe that, watching television inspires children to study passionately for the reasons I have mentioned above. As a result, the importance of watching televsion cannot be overstimated in the pursuit of studies in childrens' lives.
Fair (17-18) 첫번째 본문 -내용 괜찮습니다.
토플 에세이의 기본/대중적인 구조는 서론+본문1+본문2+결론입니다. 이 틀에 맞춰주는 것이 좋습니다. 또한, 글자수 300 미달이십니다. 글자수 미니멈 채우지 못하시면 감점됩니다.
본문 잘 쓰셨으므로 본문 쓰신 것처럼 본문 2개로 늘리시면 글자수도 자연히 늘어나고 점수도 고득점 하실 수 있습니다.
수고하셨습니다~
|