▶ Your Answer :
Some people might think that a quiet study area or an entertainment room would be helpful for students to live better in the dormitory. However, in my opinion, an exercise room is most important factor goodfor students living in the dormitory for the following two reasons concerning the fact that keeping in shape is helpful not only for students’ physical well-being but also for their good grades in schools. To begin with, the school must build an exercise room because it enables students to be healthier, and the importance of health should be always be prioritized since nothing can be achieved without good health. Moreover, keeping in shape would be also helpful for students to study hard. This is because if they were stronger through by doing exercise, they would could concentrate on their study more efficiently. For instance, during the last semester, I was got a serious stomachache with inflammation in intestine. So, at that time, it was impossible for me to sit in a chair, and needless to say, my grades for midterm exams were drastically fallen. However, after recovering from the illness, I would focus on my study fully, and I was able to get good grades in the final exams. (Mention about you tried to work out!) On top of that, building an exercise room would be also beneficial for students when it comes to their social network. The reason is that the gym in the dormitory is a shared space for all students living in the dorm. Therefore, if a student went to the gym, he/she he or she would meet a variety of students who have different majors from each other, and they could make new friends. In this society, expanding one’s human network is important because we should be able to be given help from others when we are in troubles. To do it so successfully, it is necessary to broaden one’s human relationship as wide as possible. In this sense, I will take an example of mine. When I started to live in entered into the university and the dorm in the first semester, I did not have a friend, and so was lonely. However, I was able to make diverse friends by exercising in the gym of the dorm. In particular, I made a new friend who was majored in biology, and he became a big of help for me whenever I did assignments of biological psychology. He was always willing to help me whenever I did not get the idea of biological concepts, and thanks to him, I could get a good grade in the class. In conclusion, having a gym in the dormitory would be a big of help for students in that exercising is helpful for them to stay good health and to study more efficiently. Furthermore, going to the gym would give a good chance for students to make new friends, which might lend them a hand when they are in trouble. In this regard, I firmly believe that the university should build an exercising room in the dormitory, rather than making a study area or entertainment room.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 3 | Score | Fair 17-19 | - 첫 번째 예시에서, 운동으로 인하여 건강을 회복하였다는 가장 중요한 부분이 생략되어 있네요. 이부분 보완이 필요합니다.
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